It's Never Too Late
by IrishCaptain
Summary: DEADLIEST CATCH -Johnathan Hillstrand has met a girl that's to good to be true. Strong and confident, she is just like him, right down to having a dangerous job. But in ways they're lives couldn't be more different. How long before something has to give.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Time Bandit or any of its crew (unfortunately) Victoria Mason, the Archangel and her crew are mine.

* * *

It was a bright morning on Gloucester Harbor and the S/V Archangel and her crew was coming into the docks after a week off the New England coast. She had picked up a package in Maine at Danford Cove and Gloucester was its final destination. It was an easy job and Gloucester was one of Captain Victoria Mason's favorite stops. Her First Mate, Mikos had the wheel as she stood out on the bow and surveyed the harbor. Finding the least occupied pier she motioned to him to bring her in. As always, Captain Mason was trying to stay as far from the busy areas of the harbor as possible. She didn't like people looking at the boat and liked questions even less. The life of a private courier was full of secrets and the less people knew about you the less you were forced to lie to them. It made getting close to anyone or having any kind of normal life impossible. It was a choice she had made at an early age and now she owned it for better or worse.

Johnathan Hillstrand was strolling down the pier smoking a cigarette. He and his brother Andy were in Gloucester promoting their book. An early morning radio interview had him up far earlier than he would have liked. He was admiring the Catalina than was slowly drifting in to the far docks, he decided to walk over and have a look. As he got closer, it was no longer the boat that had his attention. "Well well..." he smirked, watching the woman standing on the bow, her long black hair stood out against the sunlit sky. Maybe it was worth getting up early today. He was known for being a ladies man and prided himself on it.

As the Archangel approached the pier, Captain Mason threw a bow line, neatly catching one of the dock cleats from a considerable distance, and began to pull the boat in. "Nice throw" a voice shouted from up the pier. Victoria's eyes shot up, looking around. She wasn't aware anyone was watching and that wasn't like her. She spotted a dark haired man walking toward her. _"Oh, great.."_ just what she needed, she recognized him, how couldn't she. "Hey guys come up here and see who's on the dock." Mikos had just finished tying off the aft line.."Holy shit! That's Captain Johnathan!" Another man popped out from the cabin, "are you serious?" Charlie was just a kid and had only been on the Archangel a few weeks, unlike Mikos who had been with her for years. "I KNOW everything is locked up down there...right?" The men spun around to answer their Captain, "Ya Tori we're good". She rolled her eyes and gave in, "Ok, go ahead, get out of here"

The men jumped off the boat and immediately ran to greet their favorite celebrity captain. Tori was a little less impressed, at the moment she wanted to finish the business at hand and get paid. She could feel eyes on her and looked up. Mikos and Charlie were walking down the dock and Johnathan Hillstrand was standing in front of her.."permission to come aboard?" Her better judgement was screaming No, but this was an odd occasion of her judgment escaping her.

"Um, ya sure..." she had always thought he was kind of hot but in person he was seriously attractive. Johnathan stood looking around trying not to stare as the small dark haired woman climbed down over the hatch onto the deck. She couldn't have been more than 110 lbs, but at just 5 feet tall she had curves in all the places he liked them. "So...Archangel..that's you?" he said finding it harder to speak now that he was looking directly into a pair of piercing blue eyes. He stayed focused on them to avoid letting his eyes wander to the tight white tank top clearly revealing a tatoo on her chest, he thought it was dolphins, maybe whales he had tried not to look to obviously. "I'm her Captain, I certainly don't claim to be an angel" she said with a smile. "Victoria Mason" she said extending her hand, "nice to meet you". She was very aware she was flirting with him and didn't even mean to or know why.

They stood for what seemed like a long time just looking at each other. While completely attracted to him, Tori wasn't about to let him think he had the advantage, a personality flaw that sent most men running. Johnathan had to admit to himself that he was a bit intimidated by her, but having that same personality flaw, he wasn't going to let her know it. "So, is it too early for a drink?" she asked. He smiled widely, "It's never too early." As she disappeared into the cabin, Johnathan couldn't help but notice what was tucked into the back of the waistband of her low slung jeans... she was armed. He quickly forgot about it when she reappeared minus the pistol carrying a bottle of Crown Royal and a couple glasses. They took a seat on a deck bench and she poured them a drink. This was going to be an interesting day, for both of them.

* * *

Buoyed by water, he can fly in any direction-up, down, sideways by merely flipping his hand. In water, man becomes an archangel. - Jacques Cousteau

A/N: This is short but I wanted to get something up before the weekend as I'll be freezing putting a new head in my boat. (that'd be the powder room!) This chapter is just to introduce the characters and kind of set the tone of things. I promise that since I tend to write the way I talk, future chapters will have lots more swearing and things will get a little smutty. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Dsiclaimer: See chapter 1 blah blah

* * *

The casual flirting quickly turned in to blatant propositions. Johnathan was sure she was bluffing and would back down but for the life of him he couldn't even make her blush. Half a bottle of Crown Royal later, there were clothes from the deck all the way down to her cabin. They'd also managed to tear the curtains off two windows and break a table. The instant fire between them was undeniable and they were both going to enjoy it even if it was a onetime thing.

Tori was no fool, she knew damn well the Johnathan Hillstrand was not a _relationship_ kind of guy and that was just fine with her. Over the years she'd made the conscious decision not to get involved with anyone. Men just tried to control her and treat her like she was weak or try to convince her, and themselves, that they knew more than she did. She had plenty of opportunities to settle down or be in a serious relationship but had always walked away. Instead she tended to naturally gravitate toward "bad boys" who for most women were nothing but trouble, tears and heartbreak. But for Victoria Mason they were just the thing she wanted. No commitment, no emotional attachment and no expectations.

The Time Bandit's captain loved beautiful women but loved his freedom more. He had never really settled down and had no plans to do so. He had found himself leaving girl after girl in tears for no other reason than he just didn't want to get serious. It was unusual to find a woman willing to have a casual fling and not expect more. He wondered where this one had been hiding. She was sexy and smart and the fact that she came off even more arrogant than him was definitely a turn on. Add to that the fact that she was completely giving him his way right now was an added bonus.

After a couple hours they walked back out on deck, almost as though nothing at all had happened. The entire thing had gone without even a word between them…finally Johnathan spoke. "So, we should get together again…" pulling her in close to him. "Ya sure, I'll give you my cell number, if you're on the east coast give me a call…we'll have some fun." She pulled immediately away from him just to remind him that she was in no way taken with him. She handed him her card as they stepped down onto the dock. "I'll see ya around _angel_" he grinned at her winking. "Maybe…" she smirked and walked off in the opposite direction.

Johnathan walked back toward his hotel, his phone had rung at least 10 times that he hadn't answered and he knew it was his brother Andy. "What the hell, you don't answer your phone!"

"I was busy…"

"Did you get her name at least?"

Normally he couldn't wait to brag to little brother about his latest conquest but for some reason he felt weird about this time. "I went down to check out that Catalina we were watching come in this morning…Archangel, it's pretty sweet. I was hanging out with her captain for a bit that's all."

"I heard from one of the lobster boat captains they're like smugglers or something, did you see anything?" Asked Andy.

"She's not a smuggler you moron." not realizing that he's given away that Archangel's captain was indeed a _she_, he was more concerned with the fact that Tori had had to literally disarm herself before their tryst and Andy could possibly be right.

"AH HA!..I knew it, spill it what's her name?"

"Victoria…Victoria Mason, and it's not what you think, trust me she's long gone and way more trouble than she's worth." However Johnathan was sure that if any woman was worth any amount of trouble…it was this one.

Meanwhile across town Tori walked into a small tavern and took a seat at a corner table where she was quickly joined by an older man. "Do you have my money?" she questioned. "Let me see it." He demanded almost looking at her disapprovingly. She removed a small black box from her bag revealing its contents to him discretely. "Very good then" he nodded sliding an envelope across the table to her.

"Pleasure doing business with you"...she quickly got up, checking the room once and walking out.

Tori returned to the Archangel to find her crew waiting. "What the hell happened? We thought…" Mikos was looking at the broken table, no doubt having thought she was attacked while they were gone but he quickly stopped mid-sentence when she gave him a quick look raising one eyebrow. He smiled and walked past her pulling the tie out of her hair..."you'll want to wear your hair down for a couple days Tori, that's a nasty bite mark you have there." He whispered with his thick Greek accent. "Don't worry my friend, you're a grown up, it's allowed."

"If you want to paid, I'd stop there." She waved the envelope in the air. She quickly tossed a pile of cash to Mikos. "Do me a favor and go find us dinner would you...I'm fucking exhausted. And send the kid in here."

"Hey Tori, you wanted to see me?" Charlie was no more than 21 years old and had begged Tori to let him work for her when he had heard that her deckhand had quit to get married. She worried about him because he was young and naive, but at that age it wouldn't take long for him to catch on to the game. You did a really good job, just keep listening and do whatever Mikos or I tell you and you'll be fine. She handed him his pay and his eyes lit up. "Thanks Tori, I won't let you down."

Captain Mason laid her head down on the table, her mind wandered back to earlier when she and Captain Hillstrand had thrown her on to it. Just then her cell phone rang. She picked it up and smiled "Well that didn't take long."

* * *

A/N: I wrote this kind of fast cause the ideas are coming to me quick and I don't wanna forget any! Please review!!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Yup, I own nothing thats real, just my thoughts. Don't bother sue me, I have no money the student loan people get it all!

A/N: Thanks for the reads and reviews, this ones a little longer as the process is getting easier. I promise it will get all romantic and crap but since it's not really in either character's nature it's just going to take time getting there. I'm trying to paint Tori as not the girl you'd want to root for, she's not one of the good guys, but in future chapters you'll see why. I put a teaser in here at the end that has a lot to do with it.

* * *

Tori shook her head as she answered the phone, she was sure she was going to regret every having let Johnathan Hillstrand onto her boat. "Hello?"

"Hey Angel…Atlantic City…2 weeks from today…"

"Hold on…" She rustled around for her book and quickly scanned the pages. _What the hell am I doing? _A quick mental calculation of arrival and departure times in her head and she conceded , "Yeah, I can be there."

The next few months were more of same. Meeting wherever he was or she was, or simply picking somewhere in between. Nothing had changed, no questions, no involvement. It was a strange thing considering how little they talked that it felt very comfortable, almost…normal for both of them. They each found it very easy to be themselves around each other. Their respective crews also barely noticed, or so they thought. They both had a habit of just taking off and doing their own thing during their free time so very few questions were asked. Mikos was keen to what Tori was up to but he honestly felt like it was none of his business and if she wanted to spill anything she would. Until then he wouldn't say a word. She was his best friend and he respected her privacy and made sure the greenhorn did the same. On the other side of country, Andy Hillstrand knew his brother was disappearing more often than usual but he assumed it was just more of Johnathan's typical escapades and like always when his brother got bored, he'd just move on.

Tori knew she was playing with fire and had thought more than once about just telling him she couldn't see him again. She had caught herself thinking about him, wondering when he would call. Their excursions always left her feeling somewhere between having been in a bar fight and a car crash. She was starting to feel like some kind of junkie who needed a fix, he was getting to be like a drug. It came from having no control over something for the first time in her life and she liked it. But it was starting to distract her and that was something she couldn't afford. She had to be focused and thinking about a man was not good for business. _What's wrong with me…Fucking stop Tori, just let it go…he is no one…nothing…he doesn't matter. _She thought to herself, trying to put their last meeting out of her mind. They were just off the Florida Keys, as they had been followed by another boat for nearly 3 days these were becoming dangerous waters and they closing in on her fast. She just needed to keep her head straight and get to port. Mikos stood at the stern with binoculars trained on the other vessel. Suddenly he spoke, "Tori, we've got a problem…" She had played this hand in her head over and over and knew the options were limited. _Whatever happens… my crew comes first._

The Time Bandit was docked for routine maintenance. Johnathan found all this down time giving his mind an opportunity to wander. He was thinking about a certain petite captain with bright blue eyes. He had become aware he was seeing more of her than he had ever planned on but he had no intentions of ending it either. For some reason, today it bothered him that he knew almost nothing about her. He began to filter through what he did know. He knew she could drink him under the table and he was sure she had more tattoos than he did. He had managed to count six over the last few months. She definitely swore like a sailor and didn't get offended if he did either. He caught her slip into at least 3 different languages, he wasn't sure what they were, but they were clearly different. But what he liked most was that she was definitely a hard ass but could be such a "girl" all at the same time, like wearing makeup while in rain gear. The thought made him smile. He had seen her just a week ago but found himself wanting to see her right now_. I've got a few days, I'll just see where she is and make something up…like I was gonna be there anyway._ He dialed the phone not even sure what he was going to say or if she would even be in range to get a call but figured he'd come up with something.

"Hey Angel…"

"Oh, hi Johnathan…what's up?" Something was different…wrong, she didn't sound like herself. Johnathan found himself stumbling for words.

"So, where are you? Obviously you're in cell range…"

"Um, I'm in Florida…actually in the hospital for a day or two. I um, went for an unexpected swim." She immediately kicked herself for even telling him. He didn't need to know, why should he care. Why didn't she just lie.

"Swim? What the fuck, how does a swim put you in the hospital?" He knew she was holding something back and it was making him nervous and he knew that he had just given that way.

"Well it's hard to swim with a bullet in your shoulder…" before she could even finish he shouted into the phone…"What? Bullet? Tori, damn it, that's it I'm coming down there." There was no taking it back, he had just freaked out and was ready to live with the consequences.

"No John…don't, really I'm fine." She wasn't fine, she was really scared. She had been shot at before but had always come out ok. This was the first time she had actually gotten hit and it terrified her. It made her worry that she was losing her edge or just not quick enough anymore. Secretly, she was happy that he freaked out, it made her feel less alone. She really did want to see him but at the same time their relationship wasn't like that and she didn't know what else to say. They honestly never did much talking and she wasn't looking forward to the questions she knew where coming. "Listen, I've got it under control, really...I'm going home for a few weeks. I had to call in a favor that I didn't want to but It's gonna get me, my crew and my shot up boat out of here since I can't sail like this."

Johnathan had a sudden lapse in the ability to shut up…what came out next he couldn't even believe he had said. "Why don't you come here?" _Oh Christ, what am I doing…Andy's gonna kill me, Oh what the hell._ "Tori, I just think maybe you could use a break and I'm going out to tender salmon in a few days…you could, ya know be my co-captain. It's not very exciting but you'll love the Time Bandit." Johnathan Hillstrand had just officially lost his mind. Women weren't allowed on the Time Bandit. Even though Andy wasn't going to be there it wouldn't take long for him to find out, along with the entire State of Alaska. _She better be worth it._

Tori was in a state of utter confusion. The up side, she could still use her favor to get the boys and the boat back to New York and not have to personally deal with the price this favor would cost her, at least not right now. Secondly, despite having traveled extensively she had never been to Alaska. Third…there was the Time Bandit. The sailor in her was screaming to go just for that. And of course…there was Johnathan. She couldn't for the life of her come up with a decent "down side" at that moment.

"Are you sure? I mean, I thought there was a code about women being bad luck or some bullshit like that?" She wanted to give him the opportunity to back out. But he didn't.

"Ya, I'm sure! It's bad luck on a crab boat, which at the time we won't be technically crabbing and you're not just woman, your technically a captain so it doesn't really count…"he was really reaching at this point so she let him off the hook.

"So you saying the _code_ is more like a guideline really" she smirked.

"Something like that" He laughed at her immediately recognizing the pirate reference.

"אני חייב להיות מחוץ נפשי" She mumbled out loud (_I must be out of my mind)_, "Ok, you win…I'll come"

"You're going to love it Victoria…I promise" he was happy, happier than he had been in a long time. He would deal with his brother later and he knew the crew wouldn't question his decision outright and once they got to know her they would understand. He would have to decide exactly _what_ he was going to tell them. They were going to figure out that she was the reason he had spent most of the summer jumping on a plane to the east coast. _Who the fuck cares, I'm the captain I can do whatever I want. And right now, I want her…so everyone's just going to deal with it. _Over the next twenty four hours he found himself feeling very different about seeing her that usual. He swore his brother Neil to secrecy, promising that he would take responsibility when Andy found out. He knew that his deckhand Mike Fourtner would be another story…he wouldn't be able to resist teasing his captain about this so whatever he was going to tell him, it better be good. He didn't want Tori pissed off and he guessed that happened pretty easily. A new greenhorn was the only other person that would be on board and he'd be too scared to say a word.

Victoria packed as much as she could into a huge duffle bag_. It's 3 weeks and I AM a girl for fuck sake. _Johnathan had given her a strict "no weapons" rule so she reluctantly placed her 9mm in the safe aboard the Archangel. That combined with her still throbbing shoulder made her feel vulnerable and she didn't like that feeling at all. She turned to Mikos…"The Victorian Star will be here within the hour to pick you guys up, her crew will take care of the boat."

He looked at her with concern, "Where do I tell him _you_ are?"

"You don't…I'll deal with him later. You won't be able to reach me for a few weeks…I'll call when I get back." She said, avoiding his dark eyes. He didn't know where she was going but he was certain it had something to do with a certain crab boat captain. A few hours later she was on a plane and had no idea how the next 3 weeks were going to play out, but they certainly couldn't be worse than the last 3 days.

* * *

I want your ugly  
I want your disease  
I want your everything  
As long as it's free  
I want your love  
Love love love  
I want your love

I want you drama  
The touch of your hand  
I want your leather studded kiss in the sand  
I want your love  
Love love love  
I want your love

You know that I want you  
And you know that I need you  
I want it bad  
A bad romance

I want your love and  
I want your revenge  
You and me could write a bad romance  
I want your love and  
All your lover's revenge  
You and me could write a bad romance  
(Lady Gaga - Bad Romance)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still own nothing although I if find a lamp and a genie I'll let you know. It's fiction -mostly;) except for a few little "shout outs" to my family.

A/N: This was really hard to write so sorry if it's not cohesive. And I really do have to make some money this week so this is it for updates! (Ok, maybe not)

* * *

Johnathan had decided to tell Fourtner that Tori was a good friend and fellow captain that would be coming along to _check things out_. He knew that lie wouldn't last long because it would be obvious what was really going on the minute his deckhand saw her. The skipper was even cleaned up around the boat a little so she wouldn't think they were complete animals. Neil offered to go to the airport to pick her up since he knew his brother had to deal with Fish and Game. He immediately identified her when she stepped off the plane by the fact that she looked so different. She was wearing knee high black fur boots, tight jeans and a black motorcycle jacket along with dark makeup that combined with were pale skin made him think she looked like she may drink blood and sleep in a coffin. "Victoria?" he asked as he approached her. "I'm Neil Hillstrand, my brother sent me to get you."

"How did you know who I was?" she asked as she shook his hand.

"This is Alaska, you kind of stand out." His smile was warm and she got the sense that he was fine with her being there. She smiled as he took her bag.

As they drove back to the Time Bandit, Neil spoke…"Johnathan told me everything, are you ok?"

"Yeah, really I'm fine just needed a little vacation, that's all." She was worried about what _everything _meant. They soon arrived at the dock and she took a deep breath and tried not to panic. It had occurred to her that she and Johnathan had never actually spent any real time together and they would actually have to have real conversations. It's not like they could spend the next 3 weeks in bed.

Johnathan was actually thinking the same thing. But he was determined to get her to trust him and try to find the real Victoria Mason under the tough exterior. He was on deck to greet her and pulled her into a hug as soon as she was over the rail. He took a long look at her…"How do you feel?"

"I'm better now", she smiled and kissed him on the cheek but pulled away nervously.

"Holy shit, get a look at that!"…Mike Fourtner had just gotten a look at their guest. Jimmy, this season's greenhorn spun around to see what Mike was talking about.

"Wow, she's hot." He was now also staring.

"There's no way she's just a _friend_" Mike was smiling wildly at the prospect that this was indeed Johnathan's girlfriend and he had been keeping this a secret. "I'll bet you he's fucking her and I bet Andy has no idea she's here." He pondered a minute trying to figure out how he didn't know about this before. "Well kid, this is going to be interesting."

Johnathan could tell she was nervous and Victoria was well aware all eyes were on them. "Neil, take her stuff to my stateroom…come on I'll show you around." They walked around the ship as he gave her a crash course on everything that was going on. He like that she actually understood this stuff and he didn't have to _dumb it down_ like he did with other women.

"Guys…come here" he waved them over…"This is Captain Victoria Mason, she's gonna be going out with us, be nice and don't give me a reason to kick your ass that means you Fourtner."

"Hi guys, call me Tori."

Mike couldn't resist, "So, how do you know each other?"

Johnathan shot him a glare, "we um..."

Tori spoke up, "I'm from Gloucester, Johnathan knew my family when he used to fish lobster out there." It amazed him how quickly and coolly she could lie without flinching. She gave him a wink. For her a good cover story wasn't hard to come up with on the spot, it was a lifestyle.

"The faster you get done here the sooner you'll be at the bar." Johnathan was trying desperately to dismiss them.

"Yeah, let's get moving. Tori, it was nice meeting you." He shot the skipper a knowing look as he and Jimmy went back to their work.

Tori and Johnathan made their way up to the bow and stood looking out over the water. He reached over and casually took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. "You wanna talk?" he was looking intently at her.

"Not really…I just…" she avoided looking at him.

"Listen Angel, I've got you for the next 3 weeks so whenever you're ready…"

"I know, and thank you…for getting me to come. I needed some time off from being me." She squeezed his hand and quickly looking to make sure no one was looking pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"Come on let's go up the wheel house" he smiled…"I mean, you gotta learn to drive this thing if you're gonna be any good to me."

As they walked up to the wheelhouse, Neil came out…"Come on guys, let's get out of here…John we're going to get a drink, you guys coming." He already knew his brother's answer; he would want to spend some time alone with Tori.

"No, you guys go, just remember we leave early tomorrow." He nodded to Neil.

Tori looked around the Time Bandit wheelhouse, immediately memorizing everything Johnathan told her. She was in awe of how big the ship was, she did the math and figured the Archangel could fit inside one crab tank.

"I'm gonna get comfortable, you wanna…" she didn't finish the statement when he pulled her into the stateroom. Kissing her and running his hands over her body, he had forgotten completely about the fact that she had a bullet hole in her shoulder. He pushed her back onto the bed and caught that she tensed up and winced.

"Shit, I'm sorry, you ok?" he carefully helped her get her shirt off and took a close look at the injury. "Holy fuck that looks painful did they give you anything for it?"

"Yeah, I've got hydros, I just can't take them till I'm ready to sleep because they make me really tired"

"Well you're taking some now…I don't want hear another word." He was having a hard time reconciling the reality that he could now see with his own eyes. She looked so fragile yet he knew she was anything but. She popped a couple pills and lay back on the bed pulling him with her.

"I want you Johnathan, I need you" she whispered into his ear. She was making him crazy and he couldn't control himself any longer. He slowly removed the rest of her clothes and began kissing her. The next few hours were the more intense that either had been ready for, it was clear now that the relationship was more than casual sex and there wasn't any going back.

They had never actually _slept_ together in the actual context of sleeping. As Johnathan tried to fall asleep he was just pouring over how incredible he felt and it was pointless now to lie to the guys and he didn't even want to. He lay next to her examining her exotic combination of features, running his hand from her long black hair across her pale skin stopping at her full pouty lips. He chanced a question, hoping she would open up to him. "So where in world did you come from?"

"Um, the Hamptons, you knew that." In her typical matter of fact tone "But that's not what you meant is it?"

"I just want to know how you got to be…you?" he had expected a smart ass response at first, that's just how she was.

She really did want to tell him, it would make the next few weeks easier if everything was out in the open. "Well, my dad is an archaeologist, my mother was Israeli, and he met her on a dig there. He brought her to the States but after I was born she left and went back to Israel. She was killed when I was a little so I never knew who she was. According to my father I was better off that way. I grew up travelling all over the world with him. You pick up a lot of interesting skills growing up that way…like I learned to sail in the Mediterranean." She took a deep breath. It wasn't as hard to talk about as she had thought it would be. "One day when we were in Cairo a man approached my father and asked him to use his contacts to help him get some artifacts out of the country. My father of course said no, but he didn't understand that this guy would have killed him. I waited for my dad to fall asleep went and found the guy and told him I would do it. He probably figured I'd end up dead, he was pretty surprised that I pulled it off."

"How old were you?" so much about her made more sense already. Johnathan knew there was something tragic about her but had no idea it went this deep.

"Seventeen… I got paid, bought the Archangel and spent the next year working around Greece. That's where I met Mikos. When I came back to the States he came with me, he's been my best friend for the last 15 years. My father and I don't really talk much, he doesn't approve of my decision even though I did it to save his life. So, you wanna run like hell yet?"

"Not a chance…you don't scare me Victoria Mason." She really did scare the hell out him, but only in the sense that he would always worry. But really, he risked his life on the Bering Sea every season he had no right to criticize her choices. He was just glad he knew she was safe for at least the next few weeks. He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

The crew finally made it back from a night of drinking they would no doubt regret in the morning. Tori was surely a hot topic of conversation and every fishing boat in Kodiak probably already knew Johnathan Hillstrand had a woman on the Time Bandit. But as they fell asleep, it didn't seem to matter. It was the first time a woman had stayed with him on the boat; it was also the first time Tori slept an entire night without jumping up at every sound. She wanted to feel that safe all the time, but she knew the next few weeks would have to be enough, and then she would have to go back to reality.

* * *

I know you've suffered but I don't want you to hide  
It's cold in lovers; I won't let u be denied,  
The soon then, I'll make u feel pure  
And trust me, you can be sure  
thanks 4 visiting us .info  
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask  
I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

you trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine,  
you may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine

Please me  
Show me how it's done  
Tease me you are the one  
Check our Mobile Video .info  
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask  
I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me  
Show me how it's done  
Trust me you are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask  
I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

(Muse - Undisclosed Desires)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I still own nothing damn it!

A/N: Thanks to everyone whose reading this and please keep reading and reviewing. I write these mad fast so I hope that it's all coming together. This is kind of a transitional chapter, nothing juicy but crucial to move the story forward,

* * *

When Tori woke up she had all but forgotten where she was and was desperately trying to shake off the blurring effects of the painkillers. "מה לעזאזל קורה כאן?" _What the hell is going on?_

"What?" Johnathan rolled over sliding his hand across her stomach and placing a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Sorry, just forgot where I was for a second…how many fucking pills did I take?"

"I think I gave you three…" He could tell the Time Bandit was moving and assumed that Neil had gotten them under way allowing Johnathan to sleep in.

"Holy shit, you're lucky you didn't kill me, I don't weight that much you know." Her head was pounding.

"Well I figured you were probably used to taking that stuff" Johnathan was slowly waking up and was hoping for a repeat of the previous night before going out to check on their progress.

"No, I actually never take that stuff because it makes me stupid…" suddenly the entire night came into clear focus. Thanks to her extra relaxed state of mind, he had managed to extract a decent amount of information from her. She turned quickly to him looking absolutely mutinous…"Asshole! ...I can't believe I let you do that."

"What the fuck are you talking about Tori?" His plan was clearly not going to happen.

"You couldn't just leave it alone…why did you have to go and complicate things." She said, furiously pulling on a pair of black yoga pants and tank top. If the boat were not already moving she would have gotten off it but she knew she was going to have to deal with this now.

Johnathan quickly got dressed and tried to catch her as she stormed out into the wheelhouse. When Neil saw them it was clear they were fighting. All he thought to himself was that it hadn't taken long for the inevitable to happen. He nodded to them, set the auto pilot and excused himself. He shook his head as he passed Johnathan wondering what he could have done to piss her off already.

Tori stood in the corner staring silently out the window. Johnathan walked up behind her pinning her in so she couldn't walk away from him. "Whether you want to admit it or not Victoria, the rules changed between us the second you stepped onto this boat. The fact that you're even here means that on some level you want to trust me." Wrapping his arms tightly around her he was still amazed by how small she was. Standing there he was reminded of the first time they met and how strong she was, she could probably stay mad for quite a while.

That fact was the she wasn't mad at him at all, she was mad at herself for letting her guard down. Once when she agreed to come and again last night. The truth was she did trust him even if she didn't know why and last night proved it. It actually felt good to be with someone who clearly didn't care who she was or what she had done in her life and just wanted to be with her. She started to try to pull away but he wasn't letting her go. He started to kiss the back of her neck then turned her around to face him. She looked sideways, refusing to make eye contact. He continued to shower her with kisses. "You can't just try to fuck me every time I get pissed, you know." She said still looking out the window. She wanted to let it go, she actually wanted to see what it was like to just relax and be happy for once.

Johnathan smiled, "Well, my diabolical master plan is to _not_ piss you off, but right now this is the best I got." He continued to kiss her neck and jaw line as he could feel her starting to relax he loosened his grip on her and began sliding his hands under her clothes. She finally gave in and looked at him. This was the first time he had seen her without all the black eye makeup. He paused looking at her blue eyes, perfect skin and how naturally beautiful she was. He assumed that the makeup was just another thing for her to hide behind. "You're beautiful, ya know." He kissed her softly and ran his hand through her long straight hair.

Tori knew she had lost this round; actually she had lost the last few. It made her realize this relationship could the best or worst thing that could have happened to her. She let him know he was forgiven by slowly running her lips and tongue up his neck, putting her hands around his neck she played with the back of his hair. Just as Johnathan slid his hand into the waistband of her pants they were interrupted by Mike Fourtner barging into the wheelhouse.

"Hey Johnathan, do you want….oh shit" he wasn't used to worrying about this kind of thing, and this was one of the reason there was a strict policy about not having women on the boat. "Ya know what, I'm totally going to knock first for the rest of this trip, I swear."

"I'll be right down Fourtner…" Johnathan shouted without even turning around. Tori buried her head in his chest until she heard Mike reach the bottom of the stairs. When she looked up he was slightly blushing which made her start to giggle. "You think that's funny, I'll show you funny…" he picked her up with one arm and started tickling her with the other. She was squirming and they both came close to falling. He tossed her down into the captain's chair. "I'll be right back, try to behave yourself." He never saw her laugh before, or even look relaxed enough to think about it. He knew then that bringing her here was the right choice and he'd make sure that she was happy, even if it only lasted a few weeks. He knew the reality was she wasn't going to stop doing what she did any more than he was going to stop fishing and in a few weeks she would go back to the Archangel and the most he could assume is that they would continue to see each other when it was convenient. But at the same time he couldn't help but wish things could be different, but expecting that was unfair.

Meanwhile on deck, they had reached the point they were to anchor and they were prepping the deck. Mike had been trying without success to get information about their mysterious guest out of Neil, who continued to shake his head or outright ignore the questions. "Seriously, who is she? If she's a boat captain, I'm the pope."

"Well then should we kiss your ring or something, because I assure you that she is." Johnathan had just arrived on deck not looking to happy. "I told you not to give me reason to kick your ass…" He shot Mike an evil glare and stalked off the deck.

Tori had gone down to the galley find some coffee, she was admittedly a complete bitch without it. As she rummaged around figuring out where things were, her acute senses made her aware that someone was behind her watching, and it wasn't Johnathan. Jimmy had come in and was standing in the door taking in the view. Her hair was so long that it swept across the exposed skin on her back between the stringy tank top and dangerously low yoga pants. He was just thinking to himself…_Damn that ass is perfection…_ when he was startled.

"You see something you like?" She said flatly without even turning around.

"I, uh was just you know…wondering what you did to be here." He was now making the mistake of saying something stupid and walking closer to her.

"Excuse me?" She looked over her shoulder questioningly.

The next statement may have cost Jimmy a vital body part if he had said it anywhere else where Tori wouldn't have tried to behave politely. "I mean, all the girls that try to get with Johnathan, I can imagine what you had to do to get to be here." The next thing he knew he was flat on his back on the table with Tori's knee in his chest and a paring knife to his throat.

"You wanna know what I had to do…I had to get shot." She pushed her hair off her shoulder revealing a still fresh bullet wound. The greenhorn looked up at her in terror wondering if she was possibly going to kill him or just hurt him.

"Victoria!" Johnathan shouted walking on the scene. "What the hell is going on?"

"Jimmy here just wanted to know what special talents I have that your other _fans_ don't." She stabbed the knife into the table just an inch from his ear and jumped down. " יהיה לכם מזל" (You're lucky) she sneered at him walking quickly past Johnathan and up to the wheelhouse, she found herself actually fighting back tears. That comment had cut her particularly deep. She knew that Johnathan had plenty of willing women offering themselves up but had never considered whether or not he had been with anyone but her since they met. She wished she weren't thinking about it now. It made her angry to think that she could be compared to those girls and realized that everyone else would do the same thing. She made the decision then that if she was going to do this, she had to do it all the way and be ready to fight for it.

Johnathan didn't even say anything to Jimmy, it would have probably resulted in him beating the crap out of him so he thought it better to go to the source…Fourtner. "You wanna tell me what you and the greenhorn have been discussing out here?" He stood stone faced looking right at Mike. "Because he seems to be under the wrong impression and I would hate to think you had any part in that." Mike dropped his head and admitted to the discussions that had taken place the night before while out drinking with basically the entire fleet. Johnathan knew this was partly his fault for not telling Mike the truth in the beginning. "Come up to the wheelhouse when you're done here, we'll talk."

He found Tori sitting in the wheelhouse curled up in the captain's chair. He expected to catch hell from her again but she just smiled when he walked in.

"Hey, I'm really sorry I almost killed your greenhorn." And evil smile crossed her face as she pulled him close to her.

"He'll be gone after this trip, he's fired. Angel I'm sorry…" he kissed her forehead. He was amazed that she could go from being furious to affectionate like a light switch. "Hey, what language do you get pissed off in?" noting that she'd done it a few times.

"Hebrew, why?" she wasn't aware how often she slipped.

"Cause it's kinda hot…"he said as he started to kiss her playfully. In true form, Fourtner entered the wheelhouse and interrupted them.

"Sorry guys…Johnathan, you wanted to talk to me?" He almost looked scarred.

"I'm going to find something to eat." Tori quickly left the wheelhouse.

Johnathan and Mike each took a seat and looked out over the water for a minute, then Mike finally spoke, "She's not just a friend checking out the operation is she?"

"Nope" Johnathan's eyes never shifted.

"She's not even from Gloucester, is she?" He asked.

"Nope, but that's where I met her if that counts for anything." He started to chuckle.

"Dude, I can't believe you didn't tell me you were seeing someone. I mean, she seems really cool, and what the fuck…she's hot!" They were both laughing by now. "And she kicked that kid's ass!"

"Yeah, she is pretty amazing. We just aren't putting a label on it or anything right now, we're just figuring things out. Listen keep the greenhorn away from her the rest of the trip. I don't need to have to explain a dead body. I already have enough to explain to Andy when we get back." Johnathan was well aware that there was probably going to be a problem between him and his brother. "Just be nice to her and don't ask her a lot of questions, she's got a lot going on right now and I don't want her getting stressed out."

"Not a problem bro, I'm gonna go try to make friends now, she's not gonna hurt me is she?" Mike was only half joking.

Johnathan just shook his head…"That depends on her mood."

* * *

Well its flesh and blood and camaflouge  
Paint it to the wall now somethings gotta give  
Just another right to sabatoge  
Seein through the eyes of a mind-rot sedative

When will you realize my friend  
Love in the end now you cant take it well  
Gotta live

If only for a second  
I see a twinklin in your eye  
Gotta try  
The one that you're forsaken  
Surely more than just a lie  
(Fugitive - David Gray)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my thoughts and my boat.

A/N: Thanks for the reads and reviews, keep them coming!! The next couple chapters will involve lots more characters from Dutch so thoughts and ideas are welcome.

* * *

The next few weeks felt like they may as well have been years. Tori felt like she had been on the Time Bandit forever. Everything that happened before almost seemed like another lifetime, and she had to admit she wasn't looking forward to going back her real life. This one was a lot easier and Johnathan was really spoiling her, not letting her lift a finger to do anything. She found herself spending so much time eating and sleeping that she swore she had gained a few pounds. Mike Fourtner had spent the entire trip trying to apologize to her for whatever it was he had previously said about her. She wasn't sure she even wanted to know the details and assured him that she was over it and that he was in no danger of retaliation. By the time they were headed back, it was common knowledge that Johnathan had his "girlfriend" on the boat. Mike would generally drag her out of the wheelhouse to introduce her to the other boats while they were offloading. She didn't mind this as much as she would have a few weeks ago and Johnathan seemed to like showing her off. Everyone agreed that it wasn't strange having her there, she was so much like one of guys, Mike and Neil had gotten kind of attached to her.

Johnathan knew that his brother would be another story, he probably already knew about Tori and the second he arrived to prep for king season he was going to hear about it. Not so much that he brought a woman on the boat but because he hid it from him. They were close and Andy would probably take Johnathan lying very personally. They had just docked in Kodiak, Tori was half asleep on Johnathan's lap while he watched the crew cleaning up on deck when the phone rang. It was Andy.

"So is there something you want to tell me?" It was the call Johnathan had been waiting for but he had hoped it wouldn't be this soon.

"Yeah, I guess we better talk…" He gave Tori a wink as she jumped up and slipped downstairs, she didn't really want to hear this.

Andy was the younger brother but he was generally the more sensible and responsible. "I'm going to assume that the _Tori_ that I've heard about from everyone and their brother is the _Victoria Mason_ that you met in Gloucester that you've been seeing ever since that you thought I didn't know about."

"Well you've got it all figured out so I guess we don't have to talk after all." Johnathan replied, knowing a lecture was next.

"I mean, is this serious…because everyone knows John, and you're not going to be able to sweep this one under the rug if it goes bad. You _do_ know who and what she is, right? Christ, even the coasties up here have heard of her." Andy sounded genuinely concerned.

"You don't know her Andy…she's not who you think. I fucking brought her up here with a bullet hole in her and she was scared as hell. She trusts me, now you've gotta trust me." He looked at Andy waiting for a fight.

"I just want to know why you felt like you couldn't tell me. I would have backed you up, you know that." This wasn't the reaction Johnathan was expecting.

"I don't really know…we didn't really plan this. It was just…a thing…we were just having a good time then it just sort of turned into something else. Listen, she's gonna stay with me on board to bring the boat to Dutch then she's flying back to New York. I honestly don't know what's gonna happen after that." He was serious about the fact that he had no idea what would happen after she went back to New York.

"Alright, we'll talk when I get to Dutch, I can't wait to meet the girl who inspired you to break _rule number 1_." Andy didn't seem nearly as angry anymore. "I want you to be happy; I just want you to be careful."

Tori had no idea what she was going to do when she got home either. The Archangel was dry docked and it was too late in the year to bother put her back in the water till spring. She also knew there was a debt to be paid and the longer she could avoid it the better. She started tossing around places she could go for the winter but none except flying to another planet seemed far enough away. She figured she should assess the damage, returning to the wheelhouse. "I need to call Mikos…make sure everything is ok at home." She said to Johnathan. He was about to leave to give her some privacy but she climbed onto his lap and reached for the phone so he assumed she didn't mind him being there. "Hey, I'm back to civilization, how is everything?"

"Wow, you sound…good. I'll assume you had an interesting vacation." Mikos had been wondering when he'd hear from her, she had never told him exactly where she was going although he had a pretty good idea.

"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. How's my girl?" still refusing to disclose her location.

"At home, repairs done, just waiting for her captain. When will you be here?" He assumed they would be headed out again before the weather turned.

"I'll be a few more days, go ahead and get her ready for winter…I'll won't be sailing her again this season." She smiled and gave Johnathan a peck on the cheek knowing that he was probably happy to hear that she was staying on land. He was relieved to know that at least he wouldn't have to worry about her being out there somewhere until next spring.

"Oh, and the Victorian Star left port 3 days ago, apparently he didn't want to wait for you any longer." Mikos said reassuringly.

Sliding conveniently into Greek…"Αγαθό, δεν ενδιαφέρομαι αντιμετωπίζοντας που αμέσως (Good, I'm not interested in dealing with him right now.) I'll call you when I'm coming home so you can pick me up at the airport." She hung up and turned to Johnathan.

"How many languages do I have to learn before I'll always know what you're talking about?" he asked knowing that she did it purposely.

"Eight." She giggled.

"Fantastic, I'll get right on that" he rolled his eyes, "Well Andy took the whole thing pretty well, he wants to meet you. Make sure your not some sort of pirate or something. He's kind of paranoid."

"The correct vernacular is privateer, pirates actually steal things, I do not. I simply secure property." She said almost too seriously. She started laughing because he was getting that worried look again, "Oh for fuck sake I'm kidding! ...sort of."

Over the next few days the Time Bandit made the trip to Dutch Harbor. Tori and Johnathan took full advantage of the time. They hadn't made any plans or promises and neither were sure where that left them. But in the here and now, it was the same as it had been since they first met, tearing each other's clothes off every chance they got and figuring out all the different places to screw around on the boat.

Andy was in Dutch waiting as they pulled up to the dock. Watching Tori jump over the rail he had to admit she wasn't what he was expecting. He thought she would somehow look much more r_ough and tough_. She was petite and refined and not at all Johnathan's type. "So you're the infamous Victoria Mason. I hope the guys didn't give you too much trouble out there." Andy pulled her into a hug which completely caught her off guard.

"Um…hi, nice to meet you. I hope what you've heard isn't _all_ bad." She assumed it probably was.

"You already have quite a reputation up here, our producers even know about you." Andy gave her a knowing glance.

"What? Producers? Are you fucking kidding me?" only ten seconds back on land and she was already going into panic mode.

Andy turned to Johnathan who had an arm reassuringly around Tori's waist. "I got a call from our publicist wanting to know what's going on and if she could expect "_your girlfriend_" to be around and if she could talk to her." Andy looked at both of them shaking his head, "You guys better decide what the fuck you're gonna do because your little secret is out." Looking at them he could see that they were probably more serious than even they knew, he really hoped this wasn't going to be a disaster.

Johnathan could see Tori was visibly worried. As they drove to the airport he decided it was time to make a decision, he reached for her hand…"So will you be in Dutch when I get back?"

"Do you want me to be?" She wanted to just scream _yes_ but her nerves where shot at this point.

"Of course I do, but I have to warn you…there will be cameras, producers, fans…all of it. So this is kind of big, everybody will want to know who you are and what _we_ are. So…you alright with the _girlfriend_ thing?" He thought this may be the deal breaker for her but she had no intention of backing down now.

"Yeah, I'm alright with it." She squeezed his hand and smiled. This was the first honest commitment she had ever made to a man and she really wanted this, she just hoped it wasn't a mistake.

* * *

Meet you downstairs in the bar and hurt,  
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt,  
You say "what did you do with him today?",  
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray,  
'Cause you're my fella, my guy,  
Hand me your stella and fly,  
By the time I'm out the door,  
You tear men down like Roger Moore,

I cheated myself,  
Like I knew I would,  
I told you I was trouble,  
You know that I'm no good,

Upstairs in bed, with my ex boy,  
He's in a place, but I can't get joy,  
Thinking on you in the final throes,  
This is when my buzzer goes,  
Run out to meet you, chips and pitta,  
You say "when we married",  
'cause you're not bitter,  
"There'll be none of him no more,"  
I cried for you on the kitchen floor,

I cheated myself,  
Like I knew I would,  
I told you I was trouble,  
You know that I'm no good,

Sweet reunion, Jamaica and Spain,  
We're like how we were again,  
I'm in the tub, you on the seat,  
Lick your lips as I soak my feet,  
Then you notice likkle carpet burn,  
My stomach drops and my guts churn,  
You shrug and it's the worst,  
Who truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself,  
Like I knew I would  
I told you I was trouble,  
You know that I'm no good,

(You Know I'm No Good – Amy Winehouse)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Same shit different day. I own nothing but Tori, Mikos and Archangel. Nadine is based on my friend Nadine who is actually a publicist in Miami (love her but there's not enough coffee in the world to keep up with her)

A/N: This chapter wasn't supposed to go this way, I was trying to hold out a little longer but it got away from me so there ya go! Shout out to Stormess, wildviolet76 and AleutianStorm for encouraging my musings. Thanks again to everyone who's been reading and reviewing!

* * *

It wasn't until Tori arrived home that the gravity of her recent decisions hit her. Miko's picked her up at the airport and they headed for Long Island. Her home in the Hamptons was only about a mile from the Marina where the Archangel was. I was the house that her mother lived in when she came to the States, since her father wanted no part of it and there was no one else it went to her Victoria when her mother died. She walked in dropped her bag and started checking the alarm systems and cameras that lined the property. It was just a small cottage overlooking the bay but it was wired like Fort Knox. It was at that moment that she suddenly missed Johnathan more than she thought she would. When she was with him she didn't feel like she needed to look over her shoulder all the time.

"So do want me to hang around for a while?" Mikos could tell she was unsettled.

"No, I'm fine. Really, you don't have to babysit me. I have all these for that." She said motioning to the CCTV monitors on her desk.

"I know, but I thought maybe you'd like to talk…you know about how you feel. You miss him don't you?" He said smiling.

"Of course I fucking miss him! I went and got myself all _dependent_ on him, now I'm a fucking mess just like a…a…ya know…girl." Tori threw herself into an overstuffed chair.

Mikos started laughing as he tossed some wood in the fireplace, "My friend, you _are_ a girl…a screwed up one but a girl none the less. It may not be such a bad thing for you to try and have a normal relationship for once." He continued to get the fire going and dropped onto the couch.

"Normal? Yes of course, he could end up at the bottom of the ocean and I could end up shot in the street in fucking Istanbul, but that's all completely normal. Oh and there's the fact that we live on opposite sides of the country, that's convenient." She just sat staring into the fire, looking disgusted.

"Well, it was convenient enough for your _booty calls_ or whatever all summer… You can't have things both ways Tori, you're going to be 33 years old I a few weeks and you're not going to get many more chances at this." He knew she was just getting cold feet at this point and he wasn't about to let her talk herself out of being happy.

"Are you saying I'm old? Because please tell me you are so I can kick your ass right now. I'll tell you something…I look better than most girls ten years younger than me." She chirped at him.

"Are you trying to convince me…or yourself? It's ok for you to want something different; you don't have to be alone forever. How long are you going to punish yourself for things you had no control over?" He knew she had a lot of guilt over her family.

"So, I'm going to Israel next week, wanna come?" she quickly changed the subject. "There are some things I need to figure out. Let's be honest I'll never be able to move on with my life until I know the truth and you're the one that said I need to stop punishing myself."

"Does Johnathan know you're going?" Mikos questioned.

"Um, no…should he?" It really never occurred to her.

"Wow sweetheart, you have a lot to learn." Mikos shook his head for a moment, "Yes of course I'll come with you, I can't let you go get yourself in trouble all alone now can I."

King crab season was underway and Johnathan was finding it hard to concentrate on anything but how much he missed Tori. He wanted to call her but promised himself that he wouldn't till near the end of the trip. He wanted to give her some space and not seem like he was checking up on her although he had an idea she needed checking up on and often. Everyone was getting some sleep while the pots were on a long soak. Andy went up to the wheelhouse to let his brother get some sleep. "Hey, you want a break?"

"No, I'm good; I don't think I could really sleep right now." He was tired but knew he would just lay awake and think. At least this way his mind was occupied.

Andy knew exactly why Johnathan couldn't sleep. "Why don't you just call her? I'm sure she misses you too."

"Because I told myself I would give her a little space, she has a life ya know." And that's the part that worried him.

"So, why don't you tell me how she got shot and how she ended up on the Time Bandit?" Andy felt like he had really waited long enough to get the story. As Johnathan filled him in, he just tried to imagine how he would feel if it were one of his daughters. It was obvious that the whole situation had Johnathan in knots. "I'm sorry I gave you a hard time before, she really is amazing. And I hate to tell you this brother…but you're in love with her."

"Yeah, I am...but it's really complicated." His eyes never left the dark ocean. Admitting it out loud felt really good but he had no idea what to do about it.

"You guys kind of made a commitment when she left right? I mean she said she wants to be with you and she'll be in Dutch when you get back. What more do you want? Call her!" Andy insisted as he walked out of the wheelhouse. "I doubt she can sleep either."

Finally Johnathan caved in, he picked up the satellite phone and called her cell. "Hey Angel, did I wake you?"

"Hey! No you didn't we're actually 11 hours different so It's the middle of the day here." She was really glad he called sooner he said he would, that meant he missed her as much as she missed him.

"11 hours? Tori, exactly where are you?" He had to admit he wasn't really surprised that she had done something like this, it was just her nature.

"Um, Israel…I had…ya know, some family stuff to do." She really hated that Mikos was right and he was now pointing at her laughing. "I know I should have told you but I didn't want you to worry and Mikos is with me so…" He cut her off at this point.

"Tori, how the hell am I supposed to keep you safe if you take off to the other side of the world without telling me? You _do_ know that these are the kind of things that people usually discuss when they're…" _Yeah, when they're what John, you don't even know what you are, you sound like a crazy person…she's gonna hang up on you…get it together._ "Listen to me…I don't know what I would do if something happened to you. I…I love you Tori." He wasn't sure if it had been the right time to say it but there it was. He waited for her to say something, anything.

"I love you too…" Tears were running down her face and she could hardly breath, she had never felt like this but then again no one had ever said that to her before. "I should have told you…I'm so sorry. I'm flying out of Tel Aviv tonight, I swear."

"Angel…it's ok, just come home." Johnathan was glad he was alone in the wheelhouse because he thought he might have felt a tear…maybe.

"I'll call you as soon as I get into New York." She hung up the phone, her hands shaking.

Mikos just stared at her, he had never seen her like this and he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He would hug a _regular_ girl but Tori may smack him if he tried. "You ok Tori?"

"Yeah, let's just check out of the hotel…I just want to get to the airport. And before you say it, you were right, I should have told him. But how was I supposed to know he…" she started to cry again. Mikos took a deep breath and chanced it, pulling her into a big bear hug.

"It's going to be fine Tori, you'll see. This is the beginning of the rest of your life, don't screw it up." He gave her a brotherly shove.

The next morning Andy and the rest of the crew couldn't help but notice that Johnathan's mood had improved greatly. They had just finished stacking the pots on deck and were heading in for their last offload. Johnathan's son Scott came up to the wheelhouse and sat down. "You got a minute Dad?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?" Johnathan already knew what was on his son's mind; he just wasn't sure how Scott felt about it.

"Your new girlfriend or whatever she is…she's gonna be in Dutch right?" He said leading in.

"Yeah…" He knew where this was going.

"Well, I don't mean this in a bad way Dad, but you've had a lot of girlfriends…a lot. And I know they weren't technically all girlfriends some were just…" His father shot him a look. "You know what I'm saying. It's just, Fourtner and Uncle Neal keep saying how great she is and how great you guys are together and I just want you to know that I hope you don't fuck it up."

"Well fuck Scott, thanks for having so much faith in your old man." He said laughing.

"Sorry Dad but I know your track record. It ain't great. And it gets nuts around here with the cameras and people and everything. It's gonna be hard for her to get used to, so just don't be stupid, ok." Scott stood up and gave his father a slap on the arm and walked out.

Johnathan knew his son was right, he didn't have the best track record with women, and he had dealt with it in the past by just not getting involved. Now he was involved and he couldn't have picked a more complicated or high maintenance woman. Combine this with the fact that Tori was about to be subjected to life as a celebrity and the chaos that comes with it and his odds of screwing up just got a lot higher. But in true Johnathan form, he decided to worry about that later. When Tori called him from New York he told her they were on their way home, he was relieved that she was at home safe and sound on her couch. Soon she would be on a plane to Alaska; he just hoped she wouldn't kill the publicist that he had picking her up.

Tori was so nervous she unpacked and repacked at least six times. Johnathan had given her a whole list of things they had going on while she was there. The Time Bandits publicist, Nadine had also called her about fifty times. She had managed to not answer the phone the first forty but figured she better get it over with plus she wanted some inside info on what specific types of hell she was going to have to endure. As she stepped off the plane she barely had time to adjust to the cold when she was rushed by a short red haired woman. "Victoria...I'm Nadine…wow…they weren't kidding, your gorgeous the cameras are going to love you! I'll take you to the Hotel…Johnathan had me book you guys a suite. When they're arriving he'll call you and you can meet them at the dock. He gave me strict instructions to leave you alone and let him take care of everything, but I just want you to know that I'm here if you need anything." She was already making Tori's head hurt.

The suite at the Grand Aleutian was amazing, it was obvious that Johnathan had picked this one for the king sized bed, hot tub and well stocked bar. As far as Tori was concerned they could skip everything and not leave the room but that wasn't going to happen. She grabbed a bottle of Crown Royal off the bar and poured a drink. She started to pull stuff out of her bag suddenly worried about what to wear. _What am I going to wear? Who the fuck says that cause I don't say that._ She never worried about that stuff with Johnathan, she never had to but now everything would be so much more _public_. Refusing to compromise who she was she picked out something black and bad ass and started to fix her makeup. All she really cared about was Johnathan and she would deal with whatever she had to for him.

* * *

If the night turned cold  
And the stars looked down  
And you hug yourself  
On the cold, cold ground  
You wake the morning  
In a stranger's coat  
No one would you see

You ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?'  
My only friend, who could it be?  
It's hard to say it  
I hate to say it  
But it's probably me

When your belly's empty  
And the hunger's so real  
And you're too proud to beg  
And too dumb to steal  
You search the city  
For your only friend  
No one would you see  
You ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?'  
A solitary voice to speak out and set me free  
I hate to say it  
I hate to say it  
But it's probably me

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know  
And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show  
Some would say  
I should let you go your way  
You'll only make me cry  
But if there's one guy, just one guy  
Who'd lay down his life for you and die  
It's hard to say it  
I hate to say it  
But it's probably me

When the world's gone crazy, and it makes no sense  
And there's only one voice that comes to your defense  
And the jury's out  
And your eyes search the room  
One friendly face is all you need to see  
And if there's one guy, just one guy  
Who'd lay down his life for you and die

I hate to say it  
I hate to say it  
But it's probably me

(It's Probably Me – Sting)


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I still own nothing, if that changes you all will be the first to know.

A/N: This chapter took about 12 revisions but I'm ok with it now. I'm trying to balance Tori out a little. She's getting to a point where she's figuring out how to have what she wants and not lose her "bad ass" self in all the drama. But this chapter makes it clear why she feels the need to be that way, it's a trust thing. So don't hate her!!!!!

Please read and review!!!

* * *

As the Time Bandit tied up in Dutch Harbor, Johnathan looked out at the docks; Nadine had called and confirmed that she had delivered Tori to the hotel, but knowing Tori that really didn't mean much. She was unpredictable at best. Finally he was able to take a deep breath when he saw her there standing with Nadine, who seemed to still be in one piece. He wasn't sure if it was just because he hadn't seen her in 2 months but he swore she had gotten even more beautiful. Her black leggings, tight red sweater and fitted wool coat hugged every curve perfectly and the knee high stiletto boots didn't hurt either. Her hair was loose and falling in her face as usual but a month in Israel had cast her normally pale skin in gold.

Tori stood nervously at the dock, Nadine gave her a nudge pointing to the Time Bandit and whispered "its show time, you'll be fine."

"Tori!" Mike Fourtner shouted from the deck. "Come on, get over here…" he all but dragged her over the rail giving her a huge hug.

"Hands off Fourtner…I get her first." Johnathan walked onto the deck grinning. He pulled her in close and gave her a chaste kiss.

She was keenly aware that there was a cameraman not 4 feet away decided not to care, wrapping her arms around his neck she looked up and smiled…"That's it? Two months and that's it? I really think you can do better than that."

"Yeah I suppose I can…" he took her face in his hands and kissed her passionately until Tori had to pull back to breath. "Just remember that's gonna be on TV." He whispered laughing. "Come on, there's someone who's been waiting to meet you. This is my son Scott."

"Hi Scott, I've heard a lot about you." She really wanted him to approve of her.

"Yeah, same here." Even though his uncles had told him a lot about her, he was still surprised, she wasn't at all Johnathan's type. He leaned forward to whisper "I think you're a really good influence on my Dad. He's actually been _nice_."

Tori just laughed "I don't know if I'd say that, maybe we're a good influence on each other."

"Johnathan…can we get an introduction here?" said an approaching producer.

"Sure, Danny this is Victoria…Tori, this is our producer Danny who gets to annoy me all season and that's Al behind the camera…keep your distance Al, she can hit harder than you." Johnathan watched Tori carefully but she was so calm and friendly that he swore Nadine must have drugged her. The truth was Nadine had coached her on the way there, but when you fake things as often as Tori, it's not that hard. Plus she was just so happy to be with Johnathan that she felt like she could handle pretty much anything.

"So is she…?" It was obvious they were looking for some kind of conformation.

"Yes, she's my girlfriend…yes she'll be here with me for the remainder of shooting, yes you can talk to her…until she tells you to get lost then you take your chances." When they had shaken off the crew, Johnathan pulled Tori up to the wheelhouse. They hardly had the door shut and they were all over each other. As he ran his hands inside her coat she came to a realization that made her smirk a little.

"Are you frisking me?" She said pushing him back.

"Well, I never know with you…" he had been checking even if unconsciously.

"Well Captain Hillstrand, I took a _plane_ here…remember?" She could have acquired something after arriving but she knew how Johnathan felt about it and had promised him and was a bit annoyed that he didn't trust her.

"I'm sorry Angel…I shouldn't have even thought it." But he did think it, she was still very willful and he wasn't sure how much she was willing to give.

"It's ok, I wouldn't trust me either…I kind of hid some things from you…" she had given him a reason not to trust her and she knew she was going to have to fix that.

"Yeah, can we talk about your little trip? Because I wasn't mad that you went, it's just that you scare the hell out of me that you do shit without thinking twice about what could happen. And I meant it when I said that I love you…it makes me nuts that I don't know what's going on", he really didn't want to lecture her but he was scared for her.

"I know…and I love you. And believe it or not I do think twice…actually more than twice I just do it a lot faster than most people, I mean I kind of have to. I'm honestly just not used to having to tell someone what I'm doing or thinking…it won't happen again." She actually meant it; she had completely accepted the idea of being honest with him.

"Did you at least find what you were looking for?" He knew the trip had to do with her mother.

"Yeah, actually I did. And I found two aunts, four uncles, more cousins than I can count..." She said beaming running her hand unconsciously to a gold Star of David that now hung around her neck..."and I have a half brother, Amzi, this was a gift from him."

Johnathan came from a big family and he had always felt sad that she didn't have that and he hoped this may finally give her some peace. "Wow, a brother…that's pretty huge, you've gotta be feeling better about things, right?"

"I am…It was great, and they're really great. They knew I existed, just never knew how to find me. I think my father made sure of that. I'd like to go back in the spring if…?" She phrased it almost seeking his permission.

"Of course you can go back, Tori I have no intention of trying to control your life, I just want to be in the loop, that's all." He reassured her by resuming attempts to remove her clothes.

"I think we should go back to the hotel…like right now." She gave him a playful bite on the neck.

"No such luck…we have to go to the Elbow Room…all the crews will be there…they film us…blah blah." He really would have rather go back to the hotel it had after all been two months.

"Well then let's get this over with….I can only do _nice_ so many hours in a day." She wasn't even half kidding.

"If you behave yourself for the next few hours I'll make it worth your while…" he said kissing her neck softly.

As they entered the Elbow Room, everyone turned to look. Several shouts came from various corners at Johnathan and the crew as they made their way to the bar. At a large table sat the crew of the Cornelia Marie including Captain Phil Harris' two sons. "Holy fuck!...I'm thinking…D's maybe double…" Josh Harris was staring at Tori, slapping his brother Jake's arm.

Phil reached across the table and gave Josh a slap on the side of the head, "I'm thinking your gonna get your ass kicked by the Hillstrands if you don't put your tongue back in your mouth. Rumor has it that's Johnathan's girlfriend."

"What the fuck, I'm like half his age and he scores _that_. Life is downright unfair." Josh took a swig of his beer.

"Son, you couldn't handle a woman like that, trust me." Said Phil laughing at his son. He got up and moved to the bar to say hello to the crew of the Time Bandit. "Hey Jonathan…Andy how was your season?"

"Long. But we're in one piece so I guess it aint all bad." Johnathan answered, he had already observed Josh and Jake checking out Tori but he wasn't surprised and he was pretty sure they wouldn't be the only attention she got tonight. "Tori, I want you to meet Phil Harris, a good friend of mine."

"Hi Phil, nice to meet you." She was also aware of the amount of looks she was getting. The crew of the Northwestern had arrived and Captain Sig was glancing down the bar often enough to be obvious. Phil had returned to babysit his sons when Tori eyed a tall, blond and very young woman staring daggers at them "Johnathan, who's that?"

The color had completely dropped from his face. "Oh shit…um her name is Jill, she's an assistant at the network. Victoria, I have to tell you something. You're gonna be pissed." Tori took a deep breath knowing that clearly she _was_ going to be pissed and nodded for him to speak. He had a tight grip on her hand as though he were afraid she may try to run. "I did something stupid; it was after the first time we met. I was in LA the week after Jill picked me up at the airport. We ended up out drinking and one thing led to another and…you get the idea." Tori had suspected something like this since the comment the former greenhorn had made to her. She was having a hard time resisting the urge to break Johnathan's nose feeling like that may be the only way to keep from crying but she let him continue. "I regretted it the minute it happened because I already knew I wanted you. I even told Nadine what happened, she told Jeff Conroy to make sure she didn't work with us again. He demoted her and I honestly figured I'd never run into her again. I fucked up, real bad. Angel please say something."

After what seemed forever she spoke, "It's ok." It seriously took everything she had to do this but she had to be realistic about what had happened. "You and I had been together once, you didn't even know if you'd ever see me again. We didn't make any promises, It's ok…it happened, it won't happen again…right." This was not a question it was an order. "And I really think you should go apologize to her, since you were a jackass, treated her like shit and fucked up her job." An evil smile crossed her face as she leaned in and kissed him. "I love you…now go…" Johnathan knew at that moment he was either the luckiest guy in the world or in way over his head. He reluctantly took his medicine and made his way over to the blond.

Suddenly a voice spoke from just over her shoulder. "That was impressive…Hi…Sig Hansen and you must be Captain Mason."

"You heard all that?" She had been completely aware of his presence and the fact that he had been trying to listen. Her acute powers of observation had already studied the entire room in great detail and she could probably find the exits with her eyes closed.

"Didn't really need to…I gotta say, you may actually be the one who can settle him down. Of course you don't strike me as a _settled_ kind of woman." He was looking her up and down like some kind of prize race horse.

"And you know this how?" Tori already had her hackles up so she was in the mood to spar with someone.

"Oh come on, be honest…what are you doing in fucking Alaska with John Hillstrand?" he was getting close enough to her that she was sure Johnathan had taken notice. But she also figured given recent revelations…it was good for him. She was starting to feel more like herself and less like she was getting soft. She decided to push the envelope stepping closer to the handsome Norwegian Captain "So where is it that _you_ think I should be Captain Hansen?"

He smiled knowing she was toying with him, "It seems to me that you could be anywhere you want right now. You name it I can make it happen."

She felt a hand on her arm as Johnathan pulled her back whispering to her "You've made your point Victoria, I give." He stepped around to the bar "Hansen don't you have a wife you should be calling or something?"

"You know Johnathan, you shouldn't leave beautiful things sitting around, you never know when someone may come along and take them. Victoria…it was a pleasure." He nodded, turned and walked off across the room. Tori turned to Johnathan and raised an eyebrow. "So, everything ok?"

"Yeah, perfect. You really enjoy fucking with me don't you?" He was obviously rattled.

"I'm sorry," she wrapped her arms around him "but you had that coming…I'll make it up to you, promise"

That other end of the room Sig was talking to Andy. "She's definitely interesting, he isn't gonna get bored with her that's for sure."

Andy nodded confidently, "Yeah, I had my doubts at first but they actually level each other out. I think their good for each other, they both like the challenge."

Johanthan and Tori had slipped out of the bar and headed back to the hotel. Tori had enough of the cameras and the questions and Johnathan was thinking about the hot tub. Later that night after making good used of that hot tub, the bar, the floor and every piece of furniture in the room they landed on the satin sheets of king sized bed. As Johnathan felt her soft skin against him, her legs wrapped around him, her soft lips…he knew that he never wanted to be with anyone else, ever again. This relationship was unconventional and uncontrolled but he needed a way to make sure she was his…forever. Even it was still unconventional.

* * *

Pleased to meet you  
Hope you guessed my name,  
But what's confusing you  
Is just the nature of my game  
Just as every cop is a criminal  
And all the sinners saints  
As heads is tails  
Just call me lucifer  
Cause Im in need of some restraint  
So if you meet me  
Have some courtesy  
Have some sympathy, and some taste  
Use all your well-learned politesse  
Or I'll lay your soul to waste,  
Pleased to meet you  
Hope you guessed my name

(Symapathy for the Devil – The Rolling Stones)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know...not mine.

A/N: A tad shorter but I wanted to get it up before the weekend. I think you'll all approve. wildviolet76, you'll get your wish next chapter! Thanks for all the reads and reviews...please keep it up...it makes me write faster. Ok, I'm out of here for the weekend...going to get some new ink. (Me and the hubby bonding over new tattoos...romantic isn't it.)

* * *

The next morning Johnathan was awake early. He lay in bed still feeling uneasy about the fact that his indiscretion with Jill could have easily cost him Tori. She had taken it better than he expected but he was more resolute than ever that his womanizing days were over. He carefully slid out of bed, lifting her off his chest and gently placing her on a pile of pillows. He made his way out to the living room of their suite and grabbed his cell phone, dialing Andy's number. "Hey bro, where are you?"

"Wow, you're up early…didn't expect to hear from you this morning. I'm at the docks, why?" Andy assumed he would be finishing things up on the boat alone since it would be hard to pull Johnathan away from Tori. But he didn't mind, he was happy that his older brother had finally found a reason to behave himself. His early concerns about her were still there but he didn't doubt that she loved Johnathan and was being honest with him.

"I need your help with something, Neal too, it's kind of important and you gotta keep it quiet." Johnathan sounded very serious. "I'm gonna shower and I'll meet you at the boat in a half hour."

"Ok, whatever you need, we're in." Andy never really knew what to expect from his brother so he could only imagine what this was about.

After making himself as presentable as he ever really felt necessary, which didn't entail much, he walked back into the bedroom. He stood a minute watching Tori sleep, her naked body wrapped up in burgundy satin. He couldn't help but smile as he walked over and sat down on the side of the bed. He knew she was tired and suspected that her life was probably very different when he wasn't around and she didn't sleep much. He leaned over brushing a few locks of long black hair out of her face. She squirmed a bit and whispered…"No Johnathan, you've gotta let me sleep."

He laughed a little "I'm going out for a bit, I have some things I have to take care of…you get some sleep." He leaned down and kissed her…"I love you, I won't be long."

Tori nodded without opening her eyes, she was more than half asleep and had no real desire to get up. She adjusted herself on the pillows trying to avoid the sunlight. She felt terrible considering she hadn't even drank that much. Every muscle in her body ached and she was more than certain she didn't want to try to walk and it would be amazing if she didn't have visible bruises. She felt a little guilty for enjoying this…but just a little. But she was glad he had something _else_ to do this morning.

About 3 hours later the smell of espresso permeated the air and stirred Tori from a deep sleep. As her eyes fluttered open she saw a steaming cup of coffee sitting on the bedside table. A smile crossed her face then she saw it, a black box…open…next to the cup. She was still for a second trying to wake up a little more. _Oh my fucking god, he didn't…fuck…that's like 3 carats, he's lost his mind._ She pulled herself up in bed a little, her hair falling into her face, studying the large square stone in its box. Picking up the coffee and taking a sip she heard laughing behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see Johnathan sitting in a chair with a huge grin on his face.

"Angel, only you would pick up the coffee first." He said laughing.

"I wanted to make sure I was really awake…asshole." She threw a pillow in his direction. "What did you do John?" she was happy but terrified at the same time.

Johnathan walked over and sat on the bed, removing the platinum ring from its box and sliding it casually onto her left ring finger. "Relax, this doesn't have any _labels_ attached to it… it's just a promise, this is just me and you, that's all."

"You're insane." She said examining the intricately carved band that held the large rock.

"So that's a _yes_ then?" He asked.

"Yes to what, you never asked a question…I thought you said no labels." She was still nervous.

"I didn't ask a question...but if I did, what would the answer have been?" he wasn't letting her off the hook.

"It's on my hand, and you're still breathing…" she smirked. She would have said yes in a heartbeat but was glad she didn't have to deal with that right now. Her life was still far too complicated for those kinds of ties.

Johnathan grabbed her and kissed her long and hard then sat back and smiled her, "You know…I have no idea why people think our relationship is strange."

"Me either." She giggled pulling him into the bed with her. She decided she had enough recovery time and they spent the rest of the day in bed, dozing off napping now and then.

As the afternoon passed Johnathan reluctantly checked his messages to find about twenty from Nadine reminding him they had somewhere to be that night. She had left Tori at least as many even though she knew damn well they were in their hotel room she was pretending to have no clue where they were. Johnathan appreciated this because that meant she was leading everyone to believe they were elsewhere to give them some time.

"You probably need some time to get ready for this fucking thing tonight right?" Johnathan said wrapping his arms around Tori and leaning his head on hers. It was nearly 5pm and they were supposed to be a party downstairs in an hour. There would be network people and fans so Tori would have to be on her guard again all night. "I'm gonna get ready quick and go down and meet Phil, we like to be half drunk before these things start." He jumped out of bed and headed for the shower.

"Great, I can't wait." She sneered after him.

Once Johnathan got past Tori's fussing and fashion criteria, he kissed her ran out the door before she could change her mind again about what he should be wearing. Walking into the hotel bar he quickly located Phil and got drink. They sat, chatting with network staffers and fans that passed by. After a while Phil couldn't resist commenting on Johnathan's new _image_.

"Well you're certainly looking slick tonight; you aren't going all _New York_ on us are you?" Phil noted tugging at the sleeve of Johnathan's Armani Jacket. "Shit, this probably cost more than my truck!"

"Yeah Tori likes to shop…a lot." Johnathan said fidgeting uncomfortably. "She'll be down when she's done doing…whatever women do. She hates this stuff, makes her really self conscious."

"Hey for what it's worth…I like her. I think she can keep you in line. And I doesn't hurt that she's beautiful either." said Phil, slapping Johnathan's arm.

"No, it doesn't…" he trailed off as he saw her walking into the bar. His eyes started down at her stilettos with ribbons that criss-crossed up to the knee then to her short, tight black satin strapless dress that looked as though it had been sewn onto her. Her long hair was fixed into large curls and neatly tied into a ponytail that was positioned to fall over her shoulder, conveniently concealing her scar. "Wow, hi…you look…amazing."

"Thanks, I feel ridiculous and if I bend over I'm falling right the fuck out of this dress." She said with a fake smile giving Johnathan a light kiss as to not mess up her makeup.

Phil chuckled, "A word of advice sweetheart, the sailor mouth blows your cover."

"I'll risk it." She replied winking at him.

"Hey Johnathan, I figured you'd be here getting a head start on us." shouted Andy as he and Neal approached. "You look good bro…but not as good as she does. Hi Tori, you look great." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. Neal followed suit.

"Thanks guys, I really need a drink…or 5." She took Johnathan's drink out of his hand and downed it.

"Well I see we guessed the size right." noted Andy motioning to the large rock on Tori's hand.

"What the fuck? You guys were in on this?" She shocked that they knew anything about it.

"Yeah well since this is Dutch Harbor, we had to call in more than one favor for that thing." Andy nodded.

"What the hell is that? Oh shit, Johnathan you really are one crazy bastard." Phil took Tori's hand and looked at her new accessory.

"It aint what you think Phil, you know her and I don't believe in all that tradition stuff. We don't need it." Johnathan put his arm around Tori's waist and handed her a drink.

He thought that tonight she really did look like an Angel…even if she were a fallen one.

* * *

A thousand times I've seen you standing  
Gravity like a lunar landing  
Make me want to run till I find you  
I shut the world away from here  
Drift to you, you're all I hear  
Everything we know fades to black

Half the time the world is ending  
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give  
Pushing me so far  
Here I am without you  
Drink to all that we have lost  
Mistakes we have made  
Everything will change

But love remains the same

Find the place where we escape  
Take you with me for a space  
The city buzz, sounds just like a fridge  
I walk the streets through seven bars  
I had to find just where you are  
The faces seems to blur, they're all the same

So much more to say  
So much to be done  
Don't you trick me out  
We shall overcome  
So all have stayed in place  
We should have had the sun  
Could have been inside  
Instead we're over here

Half the time the world is ending  
Truth is I am done pretending  
Too much time, too long defending  
You and I are done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give  
Pushing me so far  
Here I am without you  
Drink to all that we have lost  
Mistakes we have made  
Everything will change  
Everything will change

(Love remains the same – Gavin Rossdale)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing and I'm still broke!

A/N: Ok, this chapter is for wildviolet76 who gave me this idea. It's a risk in that you'll all hate Tori again but it was yummy and I couldn't resist. Thanks for all the reads and reviews as always...seriously the more you feedback I get the faster I tend to write.

* * *

The evening progressed much as Tori had predicted. Talking to people she didn't know, being asked tons of questions she didn't want to answer and Johnathan being mauled by fans, most of them women, all night. Nadine was running around trying to keep everything in check. Tori didn't envy her, between her and Johnathan and the amount of alcohol they were consuming it couldn't have been an easy job. Tori found it funny how many times she was asked if she were a model or actress or whatever and had been offered probably half a dozen jobs. _Yeah right, if they only knew._ Johnathan was getting seriously tired of having his picture taken and seemed to think if he did a few more shots it might be better. He had found himself at a table surrounded by women, most of them quite beautiful. He had no clue where Tori was which would have normally worried him but he assumed that Nadine was with her so everything was fine. He was mistaken.

Tori had observed Johnathan and his fans having fun and flirting. She at first thought about going over to the table and doing something…anything. But decided that she was just too tired, too drunk and just in general over it. She stood at the bar swilling back another Crown and Coke when a smooth voice from next to her said "Can I buy you a drink?" She turned to see Josh Harris smiling at her. "Sure, why not."

"So, doesn't that bother you?" he asked nodding toward Johnathan and his harem.

"Not really." She was lying.

"Hey, get a drink...Hi Tori…you look hot!" Slurred Jake Harris as he fell against the bar grabbing on to his brother.

"Dude, I think you've had enough." Josh was trying to prop him up.

"No way, the night is young. Come on let's do some shots." He insisted.

Tori figured she may as well have some fun, Johnathan certainly was. "I'm in, set 'em up." She smiled at the brothers. "Tequila?" After a while they had lost count of exactly how many shots they had. What Tori hadn't lost track of was the fact that Johnathan had shown no interest in even knowing where she was or what she was doing most likely due to the leggy blond that was sitting on his lap. Jake was nearly unconscious with his head on the bar.

"Fuck, I gotta get him outta here before he pukes or something." Said Josh shaking his head looking at his brother. "Wanna help me get him upstairs?" he really did need help with Jake but he also couldn't help but want to see if he could get Tori upstairs. He thought she was absolutely gorgeous and the fact that she was a bit older was kind of a turn on. The fact that she belonged to Johnathan Hillstrand was an even bigger turn on.

"Yeah, he looks green" Said Tori wrinkling her nose watching Jake start to drool on himself. She looked around for Johnathan but didn't see him. _Fuck it; it's pretty apparent where he went._

They steadied Jake and got into the elevator. Tori, being far from naïve, knew that there were ulterior motives involved here and she also knew she was walking a fine line and stood a decent chance that this was going to start a major fight with Johnathan. But at the time anger and tequila prevailed over good judgment. They reached the room and dragged Jake inside, flopping him down on the bed. Tori grabbed a garbage can and put it next to his head.

"Good call…"nodded Josh.

"I should go…" Tori was leaning against the wall, all the alcohol had suddenly hit her at once. Josh walked over and put his hands on each side of her. "You don't have to go ya know…" he leaned in and kissed her. She was kicking herself not only for not stopping him but for actually liking it for a minute.

Finally she pushed him back and moved toward the door "Josh, you're a nice guy, and I'm gonna get you killed if I don't get out of here. I mean, if John knew I were here…"

"I know, I understand…I just hope he knows what he has." He opened the door and kissed her cheek. "You want me to walk you to your room?"

"Um, bad idea…" Tori was imagining Johnathan opening the door to find her and Josh. "I'll see around…" she smiled and slipped out the door. By the time she got back to her and Johnathan's suite she was in tears. She hated that she had betrayed the only person who she ever really loved. But upon entering the room, it was empty. He hadn't come back. Having a hard time even standing at this point she changed into a pair of boy shorts and a tank top and brushed out her hair, she still hadn't stopped crying.

Meanwhile, Johnathan was in a complete fog at the back of the bar. He had drank way too much and was just becoming aware of the time and the fact that he had no clue where Tori was or even how long it had been since he saw her last. He admittedly had way too much fun with a couple of girls he was drinking with and he knew Tori had probably gotten mad. "Ladies it's been fun but I gotta go." He said pulling himself out of his chair. He saw Keith Colburn near the door and walked over. "You seen my girlfriend?"

"The one you came in with or the one you've been hangin' all over?" Keith asked laughing. "Cause the one you came in with left 2 hours ago with the Harris boys."

"Fuck!" He headed out toward the elevator wondering if she was in their suite or if she had taken off somewhere else.

Keith made a bee line for Phil, "Hey, you're gonna want to check on the boys, Johnathan seems to have misplaced Victoria and she was with them last."

"Oh, fantastic." Said Phil pulling out his cell phone dialing Josh "Hey, where are you guys?"

"In our room, Jake passed out." Josh was barely conscious himself.

"Please do not tell me that Tori Mason is in that room." Phil was holding his breath.

"No, she helped me get Jake up here but she left." Josh knew he was lucky that she had at this point.

"Alright, sleep it off; we gotta get up early tomorrow." He hung up and looked at Keith and smirked "Thank god for once Josh isn't being Josh."

Johnathan reached the door and took a deep breath before opening it. He hoped that she was there and not angry with him although the odds of both happening were slim. He pushed the door open to find her curled up in a chair staring at the TV. He could tell she'd been crying and knew he'd had enough to drink that anything he said was going to sound wrong. He walked over and pulled her up out of the chair into his arms "Are we ok?"

"I don't know are we?" she immediately started crying again, half out of fear of what he may have done and half out of guilt for what she had done. "Why do you do that John, I mean can you even control yourself? Because if just me isn't enough for you then I need know."

"I didn't…I could have…but I walked away. Did you?" he obviously knew she had left with the Harris'.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I was mad…really mad, and I kissed Josh… but that was it." she held her breath for a second waiting for Johnathan to explode. After a minute she looked up and saw him almost laughing.

"Fuck, that kid's gonna be messed up for weeks." He kissed her on the forehead "look, neither of us are perfect and this has happened really fast. I'm sorry. Can we forget tonight even happened?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "And I'm never drinking tequila again."

Johnathan just laughed at her. "That's probably not gonna happen any more than if I said it. But I think I know what you need."

"Yeah, I bet you do" she said tugging him toward the bedroom.

"Well there is that, but I was also thinking we could use a vacation. How about we check the fuck out of here tomorrow, I'll tell Nadine I'm out of touch for a week or so and we go somewhere. Just the two of us."

Johnathan felt lucky that tonight hadn't turned out even worse. He needed to get his head straight and concentrate on Tori if he wanted this to work. He figured some time alone would put things back the way they were. He had known this would be a rough week for them. Tori was glad that he had resisted temptation, knowing that in the past he wouldn't have. She felt bad that she kissed Josh and knew that her need for control and revenge was misplaced but she was so used to assuming the worst about people that it was a hard habit to break. She was excited about getting away and just being alone with him for a while.

* * *

I remember way back way back when  
I said i never wanna see your face again  
Cause you were loving yes you're loving somebody else  
And I knew oh yes I knew I couldn't control myself  
And now they bring you back into my life again  
And so I put on a face just like your friend's  
But I think you know oh yes you know whats going on  
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

But I will never be your stepping stone  
Take it all or leave me alone  
I will never be your stepping stone  
I'm standing upright on my own

You used to call me up from time to time  
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line  
The words of love layed on my lips just like a curse  
And i knew oh yes i knew they'd only make it worse  
And now you have the nerve to play along  
Just like the maestro beats in a song  
You got your kicks you get your kicks from playing me  
And the less you give the more i want so foolishly

But I will never be your stepping stone  
Take it all or leave me alone  
I will never be your stepping stone  
I'm standing upright on my own...

(Stepping Stone – Duffy)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I own nothing in reality.

A/N: I had to make up for the last chapter so everyone will like Tori again. Hopefully this chapter explains things that have been left unsaid till now. Archer Mason is inspired (just partly) by my dad who makes archeaology cooler than Indiana Jones (and is my personal superhero). Without him I'd probably be....well who knows.

* * *

Tori woke up with a bad headache and wishing the night before had never happened. She could hear Johnathan in the next room on the phone with Nadine. He sounded like he was in a very bad mood and knew she had contributed to it. She lay quietly listening, trying to figure out exactly what the damage was. Although they had technically apologized and made up last night, she figured there was part of him that was still angry…she knew she was.

"Nope, that's not gonna happen…….Nadine, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. I don't want a single camera, producer, fan or anything else near me or her, it's too much right now……..today if we can get a flight…….for at least a week……..no you won't be able to reach me……I'll call you when we get back." He was seriously willing to tell the whole network to fuck off if that's what he had to do to get some time alone with Tori.

He walked into the bedroom and dropped down onto the bed. Leaning over and rubbing her back, he kissed her neck, "You wanna get out of here today?" She rolled over and nodded, saying nothing she buried her head on his shoulder. "I was thinking we could go down to Mexico for a week or so, that ok?" She nodded again. "Are you gonna talk to me?" he looked at her nervously.

"Yeah, I'm just starting to think talking isn't really our strong suit." She said looking down at the ring on her hand.

"Never has been. We'll figure it out, I love you Angel." He said hugging her tight.

"I love you too." She had been awake five whole minutes and was already crying. "I fucking hate this!" she tried to push him away but he wouldn't let go. "I can't be like this…I don't know how."

"I told you…we'll figure it out. I'm chartering a boat down there, you'll feel better once you're out on the water, you'll see." Johnathan had figured this was the one thing that would allow her to relax. He was right.

* * *

After arriving in Cabo San Lucas they boarded the yacht that Johnathan had chartered. The accommodations where much roomier than the Archangel; and It was nice to have a full crew so neither of them had to do anything, although they both found it difficult at first not to try to take over. Johnathan spent his time fishing while Tori lay in the sun enjoying being waited on. Johnathan sat drinking a beer on deck watching her. She was wearing a tiny black bikini and her hair was wet from a swim. "You get really tan, really fast. How did you manage to stay so pale before?"

She pushed her hair to the side looking up to answer "Sunscreen…obsessively. It was really just force of habit. When I was a kid out on digs with my dad he used to make me put it on a hundred times a day so I stayed pale. I think he didn't want me to look…ya know, like my mom. Guess I'm over that particular obsession now."

Johnathan walked over and handed her a beer, "So you wanna talk about what's gonna happen when I leave again for opies?" He wanted some reassurance that she was staying in the country this time.

"Not really." She quipped. She had no plans but didn't want to commit to sitting home and end up having him mad because she didn't.

"I'd like for you stay at my place, in Homer." He ventured.

"Um, no. New York is cold enough. I'll be fine there…really." Winter in Alaska was not on her list of fun things to do and this sounded a lot like him controlling her, which he had promised not to do. "Can we not worry about that right now? It's not like I'm_ working_, it's winter. And what are you gonna do when I leave in the spring? Are you gonna be ok with that?" she knew he wasn't.

"Ok now is where I say _can we not worry about that right now_." He hadn't really thought about it. He had gotten complacent since she had ended her year early after the accident in the Florida Keys. The reality was, her job was as dangerous as his and she would go out in the spring and like always there was a chance she wouldn't come back.

"John, I know this sucks but we knew the deal from the beginning. You have to do what you do and I have to do what I do. It doesn't change anything between us; we're just…on opposite sides of the country most of the time. We managed to make it work last year, we can do it again." She had pulled herself on to him straddling him with her arms around his neck.

"Last year we weren't…you know…I'll need more details this time. No more secrets Victoria." Like knowing her exact schedule would make him feel any better.

"No secrets, I promise." She secretly dreaded having to go back to her old life. She was afraid she was losing her nerve. "Now I think we should get out of sun…" she began kissing him, she knew the easiest way to distract him and end the discussion.

A few days later, they left the boat and checked into a hotel for that last few days of their vacation. They had managed to stretch their vacation for two weeks, ignoring calls from Nadine. Johnathan figured Andy would handle whatever it was and however mad she was had been worth it. He and Tori had reached a point where they actually were _acting_ like a real couple. It was amazing to her how much easier things were between them when they were alone and they could be themselves. Neither of them had even mentioned the fight they had or what had caused it.

It was early morning and they were walking on the beach when the inevitable happened. A voice from behind them…"Well Victoria, finally." Tori spun around and out of shear instinct put herself between the dark haired man and Johnathan, reaching to her back…but there was nothing there. A rush of panic swept over her, she was helpless. The man laughed, "You're not going to shoot me Tori, first of all I've known you since you were five, you've never liked me, but you won't shoot me…second…you're not armed…not while you're with him and that's pretty much common knowledge. Rumor has it you've gone soft, you should probably be more careful."

"What do you want Nick?" she wasn't panicked anymore, it was just a reflex reaction but now she was just seriously annoyed.

"The Victorian Star docked last night, your father wants to see you." The man said with a smirk, motioning her to follow him.

She turned to Johnathan "I'm sorry, welcome to my nightmare." They walked up the beach toward the docks, Tori was angrier the Johnathan had ever seen her and considering she had almost stabbed his greenhorn, that was saying something. He felt it was best to say nothing and just see how this played out. As they walked up the dock Johnathan's eyes fell on a huge luxury yacht…The Victorian Star. They followed Nick into a large room on the main deck, furnished with living area and bar.

"Victoria my dear…." said a handsome man with snow white hair. "You look lovely, although you really should stay out of the sun." he approached her and kissed her cheek.

"Hello Dad…Johnathan I'd like you to meet Archer Mason, my father." Tori said tensely.

Archer Mason was a Boston born Irishman, Harvard educated and clearly wealthy. It was obvious where Tori got her piercing blue eyes from but that's where the resemblance ended. He was tall and rugged and by the looks of the Victorian Star he had collected treasures from all over the world.

"It's nice to finally meet you Captain Hillstrand, I was at a loss after Victoria pulled her disappearing act in the Keys until I heard from an associate at the Discovery Channel a few weeks ago that they had spotted my daughter in Dutch Harbor, Alaska of all places. Funny because she hates the cold."

"Exactly what do you want Dad? Because let's be honest, you don't just pop in to say hello." Tori was getting more agitated.

"I bailed you out Victoria…I shipped your boat and your crew home. I think I am due an audience with my own daughter. Johnathan, have you any idea exactly what my daughter does for a living?"

"Yeah, actually I do." Johnathan squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Well, I hope you have the sense to keep her at a distance, she'll break your heart. She broke mine, just like her mother. She's reckless, and doesn't care about anyone but herself." He said dismissively.

"Oh really, I don't care…because if that were the case I would have let you get killed in Cairo. No matter what I do, no matter what my mother did it wasn't enough for you and when she wouldn't do what you wanted you took me…or did you think I'd never find out. She died chasing you around the world to try to get me back." Tori was almost shaking.

"I see your mother's family has filled your head with their influence. I pray you never have children Victoria; I won't watch another generation of this family be destroyed." He shook his head.

"Yes because you father of the year, after all you raised me and look how fantastic I turned out." She shouted back at him.

"It's pointless to discuss this with you; it's too late to change any of the choices you've made. You need to change your name and disappear; I couldn't bear to hear about you getting yourself killed." He turned his back to her.

"לפעמים בחירות בלבד שיש לנו קורסים רע" _Sometimes the only choices we have are bad ones._ Tori pulled on Johnathan's hand and they walked out. Storming of the boat passing Nick she shouted at him "להתקרב אלי או יונתן שוב, תגלו אם אני לירות לך!" _Come near me or Johnathan again and you'll find out if I'd shoot you_!

Sitting on the balcony of their hotel room, Tori just stared out at the ocean. Johnathan walked out and sat down looking out of the corner of his eye he asked "Is it safe?"

"Of course, I'm not mad at you…" she wasn't sure why he was worried.

"I just want avoid being collateral damage Angel." He smiled at her.

"Maybe he's right, it's too late to undo anything, maybe I should just disappear…change my name…" she said shaking her head.

Johnathan took her hand, "You could always have mine."

* * *

My eyes are open wide  
By the way I made it through the day  
I watch the world outside  
By the way I'm leaving out today

I just saw Haley's Comet, she waved  
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"  
Even the man in the moon disappeared  
Somewhere in the stratosphere

Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can  
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying  
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me  
I'm not afraid of what I have to say  
This is my one and only voice  
So listen close, it's only for today

I just saw Haley's Comet, she waved  
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"  
Even the man in the moon disappeared  
Somewhere in the stratosphere"

Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can  
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying  
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Here is my chance  
This is my chance

Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can  
To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying  
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Really? Do I have to say it?

A/N: Happy belated Valentine's Day! I tried to get this up before but just wasn't happy with it. Thanks for all the reviews...keep them coming!

* * *

Certain developments of the last days of their vacation had led to the compromise of Tori staying at Johnathan's house in Homer while he was out fishing. Although, she didn't exactly see it as a compromise. However, she was pleasantly surprised when she saw his house. It was rustic and warm feeling despite the fact that it needed to be seriously cleaned. She figured that would keep her busy for at least a week. She felt like she would be very comfortable there…if it where anywhere besides Alaska. She had called Mikos and asked him to ship some things to her. He was shocked when she told him she was staying up there; he hadn't honestly expected things to go this far or last this long. Tori had a short level of tolerance and he was amazed that she had agreed to this. "What the hell am I going to do…sit around and learn to knit?" she spat dismissively throwing her bag on the bed.

"If I get a say in it, I think you should learn to cook." Johnathan laughed at her. It was common knowledge that her culinary skills consisted of ordering take out. She shot him a glare, punching him in the arm. "You'll be fine Victoria…relax. You may find that you like it here…it's just gonna be an adjustment. As far as the other thing goes…I'll take care of the particulars…I want to make sure you won't ever have anything to worry about. We'll have to figure out some details when I get back….we kind of jumped out of the pan and into the fire" he said rubbing her shoulders.

"I know, story of my life." She smiled nervously.

"Ok, I gotta go, car keys are in the desk…behave yourself…please…" he brushed his hand across her cheek, "I love you Tori."

"I love you too, and be safe ok." She stood on her toes and kissed him goodbye.

Johnathan arrived in Dutch Harbor a few days after his brothers. Andy was checking the weather, they hadn't even left yet and the forecast was bad. Johnathan went downstairs to find Neal "Hey listen…I need you to do something for me." He produced an envelope from his jacket "I just need someone else to know in case something happens, just don't say anything, ok."

Neal looked over the piece of paper and nodded "Wow, seriously?... Ok...I got your back."

The next few weeks were long and cold and Tori had never been so happy and sad at the same time in her life. She had scoured the house and put it some kind of order that made sense, at least to her. She barely ever left the house or spoke to anyone, she spent her time on the couch in front of the fire or staring out the window. She couldn't close her eyes without having nightmares and waking up feeling sick. She just had a sailor's intuition…something bad was coming.

There was a fierce storm raging on the Bering Sea, and the Time Bandit was in the middle of it. Andy was at the controls, cursing the waves. He had pulled the crew off the deck it had gotten so bad. Johnathan sat in the wheelhouse watching the storm beating down on them. "Fuck Andy, this is bad."

"Yeah bro, I know. I don't think we've seen anything like this in years." Andy concurred. Just then a huge wave crashed into the side of the boat. Andy had all he could do to hold on and steer the boat. "Holy shit, did you see that!...John?…oh fuck." Andy turned to see his older brother on the floor bleeding from a huge gash on his head. "Hey Neal! Get up here, I need some help."

Neal dashed up the stairs, stopping quick when he saw Johnathan. "Damn, he's bleeding pretty bad…Johnathan…can you hear me?" Neal looked at Andy shaking his head, "He's not waking up…what do you wanna do?"

"I'm already turned around, good thing we aren't too far out, we can probably get to St. Paul faster than the coasties can get out here in this storm." Andy's heart was racing, he knew the coast guard wouldn't be able to fly out till the storm broke so he knew the Time Bandit was their best shot.

Mike Fourtner had appeared in the wheelhouse "I'll help you get him downstairs, we'll try to get the bleeding stopped." They lifted Johnathan and pulled him down into the galley, propping him up and putting pressure on the cut, but he wasn't waking up and that's what had them worried. Johnathan had taken plenty of hits in his life and they were just hoping that if they got him to the hospital fast enough, this would just be another battle scar and he would be fine.

When they finally made it in to St. Paul, Johnathan was still unconscious and pale. As he was taken into the emergency room, one of the nurses approached Andy, "I'll need some information…your next of kin?"

Before Andy could answer, Neal spoke up, "We need to call his wife…" The room fell silent. "Her name is Victoria Hillstrand, she's in Homer…I'll make the call and get her here."

Andy's mouth dropped as he stared blankly at Neal, "Wife? Neal, I swear to God if you're bullshitting me right now…"

"They got married in Mexico last month, he swore me to secrecy…he just wanted to make sure…it doesn't matter now Andy. I'll call her." Neal walked over to the Nurses station and dialed the phone. "Tori, its Neal, listen there was an accident…"

Tori woke from a restless sleep to the ringing phone. When she heard Neal's voice she immediately started shaking, this was the call she never wanted to get, the reason she never wanted to love anyone. "How bad, don't lie to me either."

"Well he got hit hard, he lost a lot of blood. You should probably be here." Neal knew she was going to be a wreck and that the fact that their secret had come out this way was only going to make things worse.

I'll be there as soon as I can. Neal…Thanks." Tori was on a small plane for St. Paul Island before she had even completely processed what was happening. She sat quietly pulling her hair up into a messy ponytail, refusing to cry. She just kept feeling like she was somehow being punished for being happy, but she wouldn't let herself fall apart.

The Timer Bandit crew sat in the waiting room, Andy paced the floor not able to reconcile how worried he was with how mad he was. Just then, he saw Tori come rushing past. He started toward her but Scott stopped him "Let her go, he needs her right now." Andy gave him a defeated look and nodded.

"I'm Victoria Ma...Hillstrand…My um, husband was brought in last night." She could hardly breathe and she was shaking fiercely but had managed to fight off the tears. Even saying the word _husband_ out loud made her uneasy.

"Yes Mrs. Hillstrand, right his way. He isn't conscious yet but he's stable. Once he wakes up we'll know more." The nurse ushered her into the room.

As she passed Andy and Scott she looked over at them, simply mouthing _"I'm sorry"_. She walked into the room and that was it, she broke out into tears looking at him lying there. The nurse steadied her and helped her sit down. She took his hand staring down at her own. The large diamond he had given her was stacked on top of a platinum wedding band. She had his on the chain around her neck that held her Star of David. Since their marriage was no longer a secret, she pulled it off and slid it onto his finger. _How did we let things go this far, what were we thinking?_ She put her head down on his chest, crying herself to sleep.

Tori woke up feeling like someone was watching her. She looked up to see Andy sitting across the room. She knew he had a lot of questions but really didn't want to answer them.

"I'm not even going to try to figure out what happened in Mexico…I can't even start to understand you two. You don't even live in the same State! Do you guys even have a plan?" Andy was clearly upset but Tori knew it had more to do with him being worried about his brother than her personally.

"Andy I'm sorry, we just…It's long story and no we don't have a plan. I was going to stay in Homer till I needed to get back to work, then…I don't know. We were just going to see how things went." She knew this sounded insane. What rational thinking people get married without even knowing if they plan to live in the same place.

"Yeah because I'm not sure if you guys should live in the same time zone or anything. I mean that's just crazy…who does that?" Andy started to raise his voice "You know what…you are the two most fucked up people I've even known. How the fuck do you guys live like this."

"Hey, can you stop yelling at my wife and tell me what the hell I'm doing here." Johnathan had woken up and was looking around dazed. "Wow, my fucking head hurts."

"Yeah bro, you took a hard hit, I'll go grab the Doc. We're gonna talk about this later." Andy turned and left the room.

Johnathan smiled and squeezed Tori's hand. "Hi there, Mrs. Hillstrand"

"Hi, how do you feel?" She already felt a million times better now that he was awake.

"Like I drank too much and got my ass kicked." He replied. "I guess Neal must have called you, I gave him a copy of our marriage license just in case something happened and I…ya know…"

"Yeah, well you're not making me a widow that fast." She leaned forward kissed him softly.

The doctor told Johnathan that he was in no way going back out fishing. He had a serious concussion and needed to rest. Andy went back to the Time Bandit, having agreed to let Johnathan and Tori off the hook for the time being. He knew that they didn't have any more explanation as to their decision than he did. He figured they would either work something out or establish they made a mistake and take care of it. He couldn't imagine Tori giving up everything and moving to Alaska to sit home alone most of the time while Johnathan was away nor could he imagine Johnathan being ok with her going back to New York and setting out on the Archangel in the spring to do god know what. This was the exact discussion taking place on the plane to Homer.

"I'm not going to lie to you Tori…I want you up here full time." Johnathan looked at her adamantly.

"It's not that easy…I can't just…I really want to be here, I do, it's just there are things that I can't control." She knew that there were loose ends in her life that would follow her and a clean break wouldn't be easy. "I _am_ trying John, I already put my house up for sale you know."

"You did?" he was surprised, he thought she would have put up more of a fight.

"Yeah, I did. I called the realtor a week ago. I love you and I _want_ to be here. But you have to give me a little room to clean up this fucking mess I call a life. I giving up everything here…give me a break. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do…this is all I know." This was the first time she had admitted her intentions even to herself.

Johnathan looked into eyes and could tell she was scared. "I didn't mean it like that…I know your giving up a lot. And I love you for it. You can do anything you want, you have a whole new life." He took her hand and let the discussion end there.

They arrived back at the house to a surprise…Johnathan's mother and his daughter. They had received a call from Scott letting them know what happened, and that Johnathan had gotten married.

* * *

You say "I love you, boy"  
I know you lie  
I trust you all the same  
I don't know why

'Cos when my back is turned  
My bruises shine  
Our broken fairytale  
So hard to hide

I still believe  
It's you and me to the end of time

When we collide we come together  
If we don't we'll always be apart  
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it  
When you hit me, hit me hard

Sitting in a wishing hall  
Hoping it stays right  
Feet cast in solid stone  
I got Gilligan's eyes

I still believe  
It's you and me to the end of time

When we collide we come together  
If we don't we'll always be apart  
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it  
When you hit me, hit me hard

'Cos you said our love  
Is letting us go, guess what  
Our future is for  
Many of horror  
Our future's for  
Many of horror

I still believe  
It's you and me to the end of time

(Many of Horror – Biffy Clyro)


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I own nothing and it's just depressing....

A/N: This should explain what came out in the last chapter, as well as these characters can explain anything. I think there's maybe 2 more chapters to this story, I'm just deciding how I want to end this since I wrote 3 different endings. Your thoughts and reviews are much appreciated!

* * *

"Well there's my problem child. You have some explaining to do." Nancy Hillstrand shouted from the front door.

Johnathan rolled his eyes and grabbed Tori's hand. "Don't worry; she'll like you more than she likes me most of the time." The two walked into the house "Hi Ma, remind me to take away your key." He smirked giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you feeling? Thank god you had the sense to come home and take some time off. And you must be Victoria…the girl my son ran off and married without telling anyone." She smiled curiously at Tori, looking her over. She was well aware of her son's reputation and had given up hope of him settling down years ago. She looked at the dark haired beauty standing in front of her in camouflage pants and a leather jacket. "It's nice to meet you, apparently you're now my daughter-in –law" she gave her a hug. Hugs still made Tori tense.

Johnathan spoke up "I'm sorry Ma, really I am. Tori this is my daughter Tae." Tae looked over at Tori and gave a cold nod. She didn't look happy at all. "Gee Dad, if Scott didn't call to let us know you got hurt would you ever bothered to tell us you got married? You never change."

"I'm gonna go make some coffee" Tori gave Johnathan a quick look and shot off toward the kitchen. What she really needed was whiskey and a lot of it.

"I'll give you hand." Nancy followed her into the kitchen.

When they were out of sight, Johnathan turned to his daughter and shook his head. He had a new appreciation for her disdainful glare as it was the same one that Tori gave her father. "Tae, I don't exactly need your permission…I'm a grown up you know."

"Well you're not acting like one…I mean, who the hell is this she? Where did you meet her? Do you even know anything about her? She looks pretty young, let me guess you picked her up at a bar…one of your adoring fans…" Tae was twisting her long brown hair around her finger looking irritated.

"For you information, I met her in Gloucester, she's a boat captain, she's not _that_ young…she's 33 and she's _not_ a fan. I realize if I had been more open about this, you'd know that I've been with her for a while now." Johnathan knew this was his own fault. "I think you're really going to like her…you're a lot alike."

Tori could hear Johnathan and Tae arguing in the next room as she fidgeted around the kitchen. Nancy continued to look at her more intensely. "So Tori, tell me…are you pregnant?"

Tori spun around in shock, "No…I'm not."

"I had to ask, not that that was any motivation for my son to get married in the past, but I figured I'd ask anyway. I don't mean to sound…it's just this was really sudden." She looked concerned.

"It's ok, I understand…if it makes you feel any better we've actually been together…sort of… since last May." Tori added, hoping it would make things sound better, but it didn't.

"After Scott called to let me know what happened, I called Andy..." Nancy gave Tori a knowing look.

Tori was noticeably nervous, she couldn't even imagine that conversation. "So he told you…?"

"Enough…but that's none of my business. I just want my son happy, and apparently he is. Johnathan has never been really good at thinking ahead. But I know this…he always swore he would never get married, you must be very special. And don't worry, this is a good place to start over, no one will ask too many questions." She said giving Tori a wink. "So…Andy tells me you were living primarily in New York, this must be a big adjustment for you? You two _are_ going to be living here right?" She couldn't imagine her son living in New York and after the other things Andy had told her she hoped Tori was leaving all that behind.

"Yeah, I'm selling my house. I'll have to go back and forth for a while till I get things straightened out. We didn't really think this through…at all." Tori said looking away.

"Does your family…in Israel know? It must be hard being so far away from them." Nancy ventured.

"It is…and I haven't told them yet, I wanted to tell them in person. Take Johnathan there to meet them, maybe in the spring." Tori managed a small smile.

Just then, Tae walked into the room. "Gram, can I have a minute alone with Tori please?" she said blankly. Nancy gave Tori a reassuring nod and left the room.

Nancy returned to the living room to find Johnathan sitting on the couch looking defeated. "You should lie down; do you want me to get you some aspirin?"

"I'm ok Ma, really." He assured her. "I suppose you're pissed at me too."

"I'm a little surprised…not pissed." She sat down next to him. "Andy filled me in on her, um…past. It's obvious she's never had any sort of normal life. I can't imagine her…or you…wanting to get married."

"That's the thing…I want to give her that and I guess I thought if we got married I could give her some kind of security that she never had." Johnathan had actually just figured out his own motivations. "Honestly, I don't think either of us are really comfortable with this right now, we just aren't saying it out loud."

"I was concerned…till I met her. I can tell she loves you. And frankly, if she can put up with your nonsense she must be saint." She shook her head.

"She's my Angel…I really want this to work, not just for her…I love her." he said smiling at his mother. But Angel or not, Johnathan was highly concerned about what was going on in the kitchen. Normally he wouldn't think a 20 year old girl stood a chance in there, but it seemed to him that his daughter may indeed be a 20 year old version of Tori and could probably push her buttons.

Tori and Tae stood facing each other silently for a minute basically sizing each other up. Regardless of the mental and emotional stress she was under there was no way she was going to allow Tae to see how unsure she was.

"I don't mean to sound like a bitch Victoria, but my Dad does stupid stuff like this all the time" she continued, "and the fact that he actually married you doesn't matter, something will go wrong and you'll leave, they all do. Scott told me you're different, and that he thinks you guys are the real deal. So I need to know, do you really love my Dad or are just playing the game?"

Tori smiled with one eyebrow raised, she actually appreciated someone calling her out and not trying to be polite. "Let me start by saying, I love your Dad…more than anything, and I don't play games that I can't win. And trust me when I tell you that everything that could possibly go wrong…already has. I've stood down his brothers, crew, cameras, and a bar full of wanna-be girlfriends and we're still together. I've given up my family, my home and my whole life to be here, so I hope that's enough for you. If it isn't...take your best shot because I'm not going anywhere." It felt surprisingly good to say that and she realized she really was committed to making this work.

Tae smiled back and nodded, "Good...welcome to the family." She stepped in and gave Tori a huge hug. "And this means I get to borrow your clothes right?"

Tori laughed, "Absolutely, I think it's a rule actually." They both started laughing.

Johnathan peaked into the kitchen cautiously. "Well I don't see blood so I guess you guys made friends."

"Yeah Dad, we're good. You're lucky because I'm not even sure what she sees in you…she could do _way _better." She said poking him in the chest.

"Yeah I know." He grabbed Tori, half picking her up. "I'm starving Angel what do we have?"

"Don't look at me; I've been living on potato chips and Diet Coke." Tori shrugged her shoulders. She couldn't cook and had a few times wondered if she might starve to death due to the lack of fast food in Homer.

"Oh boy, you two are hopeless; I'll take care of it." Nancy pushed passed them laughing and proceeded to make dinner with the ridiculous assortment of food in the house.

They spent the rest of the afternoon sitting around chatting. Tori got to hear some hilarious stories about Johnathan and his brothers. Tae was very interested in all the different countries that Tori had been to and getting Tori to teach her to curse in different languages. Nancy watched Johnathan occasionally kissing Tori or touching her hair, she knew this was different for her son and it made her happy to see this side of him. She stood up giving Tae a tap, "We should get going, your father is supposed to be resting." This was music to Johnathan's ears. He hadn't gotten a moment alone with his wife since before he had left for opies except in the hospital where Tori had outright refused him.

His mother and Tae were barely out the door when he had Tori on the dining room table pulling her clothes off. "John, stop…you're supposed to be taking it easy." She protested.

"Well then I guess you better do all the work Angel." He whispered in her ear in a way that it was pointless to resist.

"Then can we at least go to the bedroom…" she didn't get another word out when he picked her up so her legs wrapped around him and carried her to the bedroom. They spent the next few hours blatantly ignoring the doctor's orders.

"I don't think your doctor would have considered that taking it easy." Tori whispered as she collapsed onto Johnathan's chest, her hair falling in his face.

"I don't care…I feel better already." He swept her hair off his face and over his shoulder "Promise me you will never cut your hair off."

"אני מבטיח... I promise" She said softly.

"So, any regrets? I mean, now that you've had time to think about things." He assumed she did, this was far from an ideal situation and even though it would kill him, he'd let her go rather than see her unhappy.

"No, none at all." she said softly, not lifting her head. "You?"

"Nope, I think we did the right thing…we are probably the only people in the world that could tolerate each other." He said rubbing her back.

"You're probably right. I admit after your left, I wondered if I made the biggest mistake of my life…but I made the biggest mistake of my life 16 years ago and this is the first time I actually have a chance to change that." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Thank you…for saving me."

"You saved me too Victoria, I wasn't avoiding getting married all these years…I was just waiting for you." Johnathan kissed her forehead and the two drifted off to sleep.

But not far from either of their minds was the fact that there was still unfinished business. They both knew that at some point She would have to go back to New York to tie up loose ends. Johnathan wasn't exactly sure what that would entail…but Tori was and she knew she had to do it alone.

* * *

how can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home

now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling

only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life

Wake me up inside  
Wake me up inside  
call my name and save me from the dark  
bid my blood to run  
before I come undone  
save me from the nothing I've become

(Bring Me to Life – Evenescence)


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I'm done with the disclaimers....

A/N: This chapter is sort of the beginning of the end. I think one more chapter will do it. I'm working on something new (a Northwestern story!) but never fear...I'll be revisiting Tori and Johnathan for a sequel after that.

* * *

It was now late March and Tori was pretty well settled in to her new home. She still wasn't sure what to do with herself most of the time; fortunately Johnathan kept her very busy. She made several attempts to cook and was actually doing pretty good as long as breakfast food was acceptable three times a day. Crates and boxes were arriving every few days as Mikos and Charlie were packing up Tori's house and shipping things to Homer. She really wanted to go and do it herself but she was picking her battles with Johnathan carefully. As she unpacked it was a slow melding of two houses into one. Johnathan was pleasantly surprised by how much her house must have looked a lot like his since everything just kind of fit. But then again, he never really expected anything _girlie_ from her either.

"Wow, this place is starting to look like someone actually lives here." He said strolling out of the bedroom looking around. Tori was already up scurrying around the kitchen desperate for coffee. He stood a moment in the doorway making note of how cute she looked in flannel pajamas and pigtails. He would have never thought in million years that she would be wandering around _their_ house making breakfast and unpacking.

"Yeah, I hope you know there's probably going to be a lot more…stuff." She looked around, tightening her pigtails. "Want coffee?" she handed him a cup. "Oh and I have to go sign the paperwork for the house and I need to see a few people. I figured when you leave for herring in a few weeks I'll head to New York…" she stopped there; she could see the nervous look on his face. "…you know I have to do this. My phone is already ringing almost every day and I have to make sure it's clear that I'm…retired."

"I know…I just wish I were going with you." He said with a heavy sigh.

Herring season came far too fast for Johnathan. He had hoped that somehow she wouldn't go but the morning he was to leave she was already up and dressed. He stood in the living room looking at her standing there in a black silk suit mirroring her black eye makeup, her hair pulled back in a tight braid. He had felt some tension between them for the last few weeks and she had been even moodier than usual. "Please be careful…" he said wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm always careful," she pulled away and walked to the door "I love you."

"I love you too Angel." As he watched her walk out the door he had a sick feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Johnathan was aboard the Time Bandit the next day, it was clear to everyone he was in a bad mood. Mike Fourtner sat in the wheelhouse trying to decide if it was a good idea to try to talk to him.

"So why are you here? I mean you have a gorgeous wife at home now and we can handle this crap." He braced himself for a reply.

"Tori's in New York for a week or so." He stared blankly ahead. "She's signing the papers to sell her house and…"

"And…?" Mike knew something was bothering him.

"I don't know; I know she has…business…to finish there and I know she can handle it, but I still don't like it." He was more worried the more he thought about it.

Mike started looking off as if imagining, "It's only a week, you should be home bro…I mean if I were married to her I'd be…"

"Fourtner!" Johnathan shot him a dirty look.

"I'm just sayin'…I sure as hell wouldn't be out here." He answered quietly.

"I guess, just easier not to think about it if I'm here." Johnathan was resigned to the fact that he would just have to trust her and wait.

Tori arrived in New York spending the first day with the realtor and getting the business of her house out of the way. The next morning she headed for the marina, she was now officially without a house so she planned to stay aboard her boat. Mikos was waiting on the dock and the Archangel was in the water ready to go. She looked very uneasy and almost shaky and it made him nervous. "We've missed you Captain, what's the plan?" They climbed aboard and went down into the cabin.

Tori went straight for her safe. She removed her gun, book and a large envelope of cash. "There's a _new_ plan…" she turned to Charlie handing him the envelope, "I want you take this and get your ass in college and off these fucking docks before you ruin your life."

"Tori? Um…" Charlie looked dumbfounded. Mikos took a deep breath, he had seen this coming. She was leaving.

"I mean it, if I find out you're out there running with someone else I'll hunt you down, I swear. Now go." She looked dangerously serious. Charlie nodded and walked slowly out, looking back a few times.

She turned to Mikos, "I have some business to finish in the city, we'll talk when I get back."

"You want me to come with you?" He sincerely hoped she'd say yes but didn't expect it.

"No, I have to do this alone. But you need to take these and get rid of them. Throw the gun in the river somewhere and burn this damn book." She was avoiding making eye contact as she pushed the items toward him.

"Tori, don't you think you should hold onto this?" he said pointing to her pistol.

"No, trust me it's more dangerous for me to go in there looking like I want a fight. There's only one more person standing between me and my freedom and he's refused to take my calls. So I'm paying him a visit, I want this done." She seemed anxious, not like herself at all. But all Mikos could do was watch her leave and do as she asked. As he sat on the deck of the Archangel looking out on the water he had a terrible feeling things could turn bad if she were going where he thought she was.

Three days later, he paced back and forth across the cabin. She hadn't come back, she hadn't called. He debated whether or not to call Johnathan but she was still within the time limit she had given him so he didn't dare. Suddenly he heard footsteps on deck and Tori came down the stairs. "Tori, are you ok?"

She looked exhausted and was moving as though she were in pain. "Yeah, I just need to lie down…that didn't go well at all." Mikos helped her into the stateroom and onto the bed. "I was told that this _isn't_ a job I can quit…I disagreed. You can figure out the rest." She pulled the side of her shirt up to reveal a huge swollen bruise on her ribs.

"Victoria, you need to see a doctor." Mikos quickly grabbed an ice pack and tossed it to her.

"I will, when I get back to Homer. Do me a huge favor…drive me to the airport tomorrow?...please…" she pressed the ice pack against her ribs squirming.

"You know I will. I'm at the top of that list of men who can't say no to you." He shook his head and walked out on deck.

Tori pulled out her phone and dialed the Time Bandit. "Hey, just wanted to tell you I'm flying home tomorrow."

"Home? You do mean _Alaska home_ right?" He still wasn't sure where she considered home.

"Yes…home with you." She said reassuringly

"So everything went ok?" He could tell something was wrong.

"Um, sort of, I may need to see a doctor; I think I have a couple broken ribs." She closed her eyes as she waited for his inevitable response.

"Are you fucking serious, Tori what am I going to do with you?" he yelled running his hand over his face. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

"No John, you don't have to, I'm fine. I can take care of myself." She insisted.

"Yeah, cause you've done a bang up job so far. I'll be there before you…love you." He hung up the phone and turned to Mike. "I need you to take over, I have get outta here…today."

"Sure, is everything ok?" Mike knew the answer.

"No, I don't know…I'll call ya." He was never sure how bad _not that bad_ was when it came to Tori.

Mikos had Tori at the airport first thing in the morning. As they approached the terminal, she stopped and turned to him, "Well, this is it…" she produced an envelope from her pocket, "the Archangel is all yours. Just make sure you repaint it and change the name…you don't want that target on your back."

He looked at her in disbelief, it was hard to imagine she was seriously ready to be _Mrs. Hillstrand_ full time. "Are you sure? Tori that boat is your life."

"Not anymore…guess I'm reevaluating my priorities. You should do the same." She smiled, trying not to cry. "I'll see you around…" she turned and walked through the gate. He knew he would probably never see her again.

She pretty much cried all the way back to Alaska. The pain of giving up the last piece of her old life was harder than she ever imagined. She got off the plane in Homer. Her truck, that Johnathan had bought her even though she was dead set against it, was where she left it. She hated the thing, but he had assured her that the sports car she wanted wouldn't be practical in Alaska. When she arrived at the house, Johnathan was waiting for her. She walked in and all but collapsed into his arms.

"I'm so tired, I feel like I could sleep for a week." She sighed.

"Well, come over here and let me take a look at you." He led her over to the couch and looked at her side, it looked terrible and was swelling. "You're seeing a doctor…today." He also noticed that she looked even paler than usual and had dark circles under her eyes. He even thought if it were even possible, she may have lost weight in a week. "Tori, are you really ok? You don't look so good. Did you even eat this week?"

"Umm…I don't really remember." She curled up into a ball on the couch.

Johnathan just shook his head, "Come on…we're going to get those ribs looked at, and if your nice and don't kick anyone's ass in the doctor's office I'll get you a whole pizza."

She pulled herself off the couch giving him a little smile. "You know all my weaknesses don't you…"

Tori tried to be on her best behavior with the doctor. She really hated being poked at and the few times he did something that really hurt she came within inches of swinging at him. "Victoria, how have you been feeling?" he questioned her, "any other symptoms?"

"No, not really…why?" other than being very tired she had really felt fine.

"She's been a bitch…if that counts as a symptom." Johnathan spoke up keeping clear of her reach. Tori shot him an ugly glare.

The doctor looked at the chart and continued "Well, I am worried that there's some internal bleeding…but I'd be less worried if you weren't pregnant."

Tori and Johnathan just looked at the man as if he had sprouted an extra head. "No, that's not possible…" Tori started.

"Oh I assure you, it's not only possible, according to your blood work; it's true." He continued on "I'd like to do an ultrasound since you apparently had no idea. I'll be back." He trailed out of the room.

"Victoria, did you know?" Johnathan looked serious enough that he was scaring her.

"No! I swear I didn't. How could I have? I've been under just a bit of stress you know." she protested.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't want to think you went off and did something dangerous when you're…" he didn't even know what to say at this point, she was already crying and knowing her this could easily be followed be screaming or some random act of insanity. "Angel…calm down…this isn't a bad thing."

"Oh really? Because the last time I checked, we weren't even prepared to live in the same house let alone reproduce!!" she was almost hyperventilating.

"Tori…you really need to calm down and breath…" he couldn't help but start laughing.

"What the fuck is so funny?" she snipped.

"You," He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "you're going to make an amazing mother."

* * *

I'm running out of ways to make you see  
I want you to stay here beside me  
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am  
So just tell me today and take my hand

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love

It's so simple and you know it is  
You know it is  
We can't be to and fro like this  
All our lives  
You're the only way to me  
The path is clear  
What do I have to say to you  
For Gods sake, dear

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt  
This was all I wanted, all I want  
It's all I want

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love

Just say yes, coz I'm aching and I know you are too  
For the touch of your warm skin  
As I breathe you in

(Just Say Yes – Snow Patrol)


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: This is the last time I'm saying it....it's fiction!

A/N: This is the end of this story...for now (did you honestly think I was NOT going to stir the pot?) We will come back and visit these characters later. (Teaser- it will be set about 4 years in the future) I loved writting this, and I seem to have cured my own insomnia. Thanks for the reads and reviews! Please tell me what you think! I will be writting something a little different next.

* * *

After an ultrasound and more tests than Tori would have liked, the doctor stood in front of her and Johnathan shaking his head as he broke the news that not only was she pregnant, she was having twins. After the initial shock had worn off they were remarkably comfortable with the idea. Until the doctor spoke, "It concerns me that she's a good 2 months along with _twins_ no less and only weighs 112lbs. and I'm not going to lie to you two, this is not an ideal situation…she really should have surgery to repair her internal injuries but that would mean terminating."

"No!" Tori stopped him there. "I won't"

"What's the risk to her?" Johnathan felt terrible asking but his first concern was Tori.

"Well, if she's careful, stays off her feet and puts on some weight her injuries will heal themselves and she could do fine. Worst case scenario…as the babies get bigger they put pressure on unhealed injuries and she bleeds to death. I'll give you two a minute alone to decide what you want to do." He left them to discuss the options.

"Don't bother say anything…I'm going to be careful and everything will be fine." She insisted.

"I know…and I wasn't going to try to talk you out of it." He smiled and took her hand. "You're the toughest person I've ever known, we'll get through this."

After they informed the doctor of their decision, he gave them a massive list of instructions and restrictions. Tori felt as though she were before a judge being sentenced. Johnathan was sure that she'd be as miserable as a caged animal since she wouldn't be allowed out of the house.

Her pregnancy was miserable. The fact that she had escaped morning sickness seemed to be little consolation for how uncomfortable she was. She had definitely followed the part of the instructions that specified she should try to gain weight. Now almost 7 months along, she was huge and it wasn't doing much for her mental state. She wasn't supposed to do literally anything and Johnathan was making sure she didn't even move unless necessary. She was stiff and achy from being so cooped up but she was also to terrified something would happen to the babies that she didn't complain. She just sat quietly watching TV, reading or shopping online. Johnathan's mother stopped in frequently to give them a break from each other.

It was obvious to Johnathan that Tori was getting nervous and a bit depressed. He was also aware that he would most likely be out for crab when she was due and he didn't want her to be scared that she'd be alone, so he started to construct a plan to make the next few months a little better for her.

One morning, Tori was lying on the couch flipping through books trying to pick out furniture for the babies' room. "I hope you know I'll probably never be a size 4 again." she mumbled as she wolfed down her fifth piece of toast. "I look like a whale."

"But you love whales…" Johnathan snickered, "…and I don't care what size you are, those kids need to eat."

"You say that now, just wait…I know how it is." she was looking at her reflection in the window sulking.

"That must be Andy…"Johnathan got up to answer the door. They would be heading to Dutch soon but Andy decided to come in by way of Homer so he could see how Tori was doing.

"Hey there's the…whoa." Andy stopped in the doorway looking at Tori.

"Fuck off Andy." She gave him the finger.

"Seriously Tori, you look beautiful…" he came in and kissed her cheek.

"Yes, I'm sure in some cultures or on distant planets this is a sought after look." She said sarcastically.

"So you guys got names picked out yet?...You know what they are right." He inquired.

"Yup, girls…two girls…" Johnathan gave Andy a worried look. He could only imagine what a handful two mini-Toris with Hillstrand genes would be.

"You're screwed brother." Andy started to laugh.

"Samari and Hannah" Tori answered "and…Johnathan thinks I'll need a nanny, what do you think."

"I think you'll need a straight jacket! Seriously Tori…take him up on it, my wife would have killed for a nanny." He turned to Johnathan, "So is mom staying here when we leave?"

"Um, she'll be in and out but I found someone else to Tori-sit…and I think she's going to be pretty happy." Johnathan winked at her.

"I keep hearing about how happy I'm going to be that someone beside my husband will be here when they're born and I can't seem to imagine that." Tori said dismissively.

Just then the doorbell rang. Johnathan gave Tori a big smile, "Have a little faith…you're gonna love this." He returned to the living room followed a dark, handsome man. "Angel, look who's here…"

"Amzi? John how did you…" she couldn't even speak. Johnathan had gotten her brother to Alaska and that was better than anything she could have imagined.

"Shalom Tori…" he said sitting next to her hugging her tight. "Everyone back home sends love to you."

"Ha! Your English has gotten so much better." She hugged him again looking over his shoulder at Johnathan she smiled. "Thank you."

"Andy, this is Tori's half brother Amzi, he's gonna to stay till the babies are born." Johnathan said beaming. He was pretty pleased with himself, Tori never suspected a thing and he'd been working to make this happen for months.

"Well it looks like she's in good hands, you ready to get out of here?" Andy figured he should try to get Johnathan out of there now while Tori was happy and she didn't have time to panic.

"Yeah…Tori listen…I'm gonna try really hard to be back in time." He assured her.

"It's ok, I know the deal and you can't force the crab to cooperate. Just come home safe…that's all I ask." She was lying and not very convincingly. Johnathan gave her a kiss and held her for a minute. "Johnathan…go, please. I'll be fine." She touched his face and he got up and walked over to Andy.

"Johnathan, I will take care of her…I promise with my life." Amzi said shaking Johnathan's hand.

The crab where not cooperating. No matter what he did the Time Bandit just couldn't get a break. Johnathan was impatient and worried not knowing what was going on at home. Tori could possibly die and he couldn't be there. "This fucking sucks." He swore as he was adding up the numbers. "Well let's get in and off load and hope we do better next trip."

"You have some time, don't worry I'm sure she's fine." Neal tried to reassure him. As if by freak chance the phone rang, Johnathan grabbed it knowing it could be good or bad news.

"Johnathan…its Mom...." Her voice wasn't indicating anything.

"Hey, what's going on; is Tori ok?" he asked franticly.

"Well, your daughters did not want to wait for you. They arrived just about an hour ago…both healthy and absolutely beautiful." She continue on, "They did a c-section…they just didn't think she was strong enough."

"Mom, is she ok, I mean…" his head was spinning.

"She's fine…not very happy…but fine. And I believe there is a nurse who has a broken nose." At this remark Johnathan finally smiled.

"Thanks Mom, I'll be home as soon as I can, tell her I love her and kiss my girls for me." He hung up the phone and looked at Neal who was waiting patiently. "She's ok…the girls are ok, now if I could find some fucking crab I'd be ok too." He said laughing.

By the time the season ended, word had spread though the fleet that Johnathan was the proud father of Samari and Hannah Hillstrand. Tori was at home recovering and looking for a nanny, it hadn't taken more than a few days for her to decide that was the best idea Johnathan had ever had since these little girls seemed to never sleep. Johnathan finally arrived home after what seemed like the longest season of his life. He walked into house to find Tori on the couch sleeping. She woke up suddenly when she heard him come in.

"Hey, I tried to wait up…but I guess I fell asleep." She pulled herself onto her feet and though herself at him. "I missed you."

"Where is everyone?" he asked looking around.

"Amzi left yesterday, your mom was here earlier but she went home…I am capable of being on my own now you know." She poked at him.

He smiled and pulled her into a long kiss, finally releasing her he spoke "So can I see my kids or what?"

"Yes but be quiet, this is the first time I've got them to sleep more than an hour at the same time." She said pushing her hair off her face. They walked into the nursery and quietly up to the crib. Johnathan stood there with Tori in his arms and stared for a long time saying nothing. Just looking at the perfect little girls sleeping, they were very tiny and it already obvious they had their Mother's black hair but when Hannah opened her eyes they were deep brown like his.

"Do they both have brown eyes?" he whispered.

"Yeah that's part of that whole_ identical_ thing." She teased shrugging her shoulders, "and I supposed they had to get s_omething_ from you."

Samari and Hannah were hopelessly spoiled by their Father; he was completely under their spell. Tori had set in motion a ridiculously sparse diet along with running five miles a day and before long she had actually achieved a size 4 again. Johnathan gave up going out to tender in the summers so he could spend more time with at home and Tori took the girls to Israel to spend time with her family in the winter when he was gone for crab season. She swore that they would know who they were and where they came from since she hadn't had that growing up. Every year on their Birthday, gifts from Archer Mason would arrive from some exotic part of the world. He had come to see his new Grandchildren a few times and managed to be civil with Tori. Although there were always digs about her potential as a parent, she had learned to let it go for the girl's sake. Johnathan was always amazed by how easily she had adapted from the insanity that she used to live with to being a wife and mother. He would watch her with them and think back on how screwed up they started out, and in some respects still were. But it was all worth it.

* * *

This world will never be, what I expected.  
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it?  
I will not leave alone everything that I own  
to make you feel like it's not too late.  
It's never too late.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"  
still I hear you say you want to end your life...  
Now and again we try to just stay alive.  
Maybe we'll turn it around,  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late.

No one will ever see this side reflected.

And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it...?  
And I have left alone everything that I own.  
To make you feel like it's not too late.  
It's never too late.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"  
still I hear you say you want to end your life.  
Now and again we try to just stay alive.  
Maybe we'll turn it around,  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late...

The world we knew won't come back.  
The time we've lost can't get back.  
The life we had won't be ours again.

This world will never be what I expected.  
And if I don't belong.

Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'cause it's not too late.  
It's never too late.

(Never Too Late – Three Days Grace)


End file.
